Interlude
by Saint H
Summary: What happens during Teen Titans episodes that we don't see. Check out the story that is usually covered up by commercials or just plain left out. VULGAR.
1. Apprentice

_Saint H's Ego Boosting Author's Notes:_

Well, here's a new story, called _Interlude_. The concept, I am afraid to say, is not all that original. The basis of this story is the things the Titans do during commercial breaks and between episodes that we don't see. Now, this has been done in the past, yes. So you're asking yourself, 'Gee willikers St. H, why should I read this then?' Well, ya see readers, it's simple really, because I'm telling you to. And I turned 16 today, which makes me better than you, tch, like I wasn't better than you already! (H loses 20 life for being lame)

Disclaimer: H owns nothing, absolutely nothing.

Nothing: He don't own me byzotch!

Absolutely Nothing: Yea, me neither!

Just so you know, the fourth wall won't be broken in this story. I.E. the Titans don't know that it's a T.V. show. Think of these as sort of 'deleted scenes'.

**_Chapter 1 Apprentice Parts 1 and 2_**

"That Chronoton detonator could stop time altogether!" Robin said in shock.

"Stop time? Like for how long?" Beast Boy asked.

…

"God you're a dumbass." Raven moaned.

"Please Raven, my ass is not cognizant at all, does that also make me a 'dumbass'."

"Guys, we need to stop talking and we need to start finding that detonator." Cyborg roared.

"Cy's right, spread out and search the area! Titans, Go!" Robin commanded.

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Cyborg was cruising around JC, searching for fly hunnies and pretending to look for the detonator.

He sang to himself while he watched for chicks.

"OOOO,

I'm Cy and I'm sexy,

My wang is thicker than ya torso,

And it is longer spine,

All the chicks they wish that they could have my dick,

Sorry hunnies, it be mine!

Break Down Now!

Wicka wa-wicka wicka wicka wa-wicka wick

Whoppa whoppa wip wip wow!

OOO, Ooo! GO CY! Yea!" he sighed with content as he ended his lyrical rhymes. "I love doing that."

A slow clap came from the back of the T-Car.

Cy's human eye widened as he turned his head to see…

…

…

…

(the suspense is killing me here!)

…

…

…

…

…

(or maybe it's the boredom)

…

…

…

…Robin!

"R-Robin! What are you doing here?"

"I knew you'd just go out and try to find some action again, so I decided to stow away until I could catch you." Robin said cleverly.

"Why Robin, whatever do you mean." Cyborg asked, trying to appear innocent.

"Everyone knows that you have at least 58 illegitimate children in the South East section of Jump City alone Cyborg."

"Oh… right."

"Look, just help us find the detonator!" Robin said as he fired a grappling hook out of the sunroof and disappeared into the night.

"That little STD, I'll get my revenge on him for always pushing me around!"

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Slade sat on his Evil Concrete Throne of Absolute Misery and Peril ™ and watched his screens as they monitored the Titan's every move… s. Soon his butler/manservant, Wintergreen, came up and poured him a cup of tea, "How goes the Evil plans, Sir?"

"Wonderful Wintergreen, simply wonderful. Soon Robin will be my apprentice, and then Jump City will bow before the awesome power of Slade! **Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!**" Slade laughed maniacally.

A white ball of fuzz off in some dark corner of the lab let out a shriek and darted underneath a turning gear.

Slade's one lonely eye quickly found the creature he cooed out of his Breathing Slits of Absolute Misery and Peril ™ and began to speak in a soft voice, "Aw, what'sa matter Pussy? Did the mean old maniacal laughing scare you? Come on out! Come on out!"

A small, fuzzy white head poked itself out from underneath the large machinery. A small white kitten then bounded over adorably to the super-villain and jumped into his lap.

"That'sa gooood Pussy." Slade baby-talked as he petted the creature. He brought the kitten up to his mask and rubbed noses with it, "Who's got the sweetest little pussy in the whole wide world? I do! That's right! Slade's got the sweetest little pussy in the whole wide world! Yeaaaaa! Good Pussy!"

"Um, Sir, the Titans are approaching the fake detonator." Wintergreen informed.

"Dammit Winterfresh can't you see I'm busy with important things!" Slade let out a sigh and scooted the kitten off his lap. "Very well. Let us see how they perform."

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The Titans were walking down the cold corridor.

Suddenly and for no apparent reason Cinderblock busted thru a nearby wall and began to attack our heroes. Robin, being the badass that he canonically is, decided to fight the creature by himself.

"Go stop the detonator, I'll take care of this." Robin said to his teammates.

The other Titans did so.

"Alright Cinderblock, it's time we got this shyt started!" The two flew at eachother and began to pummel one another with viciously vicious attacks of viciousness.

"You're going down Cinderblock!" Robin growled.

"Ugh!" Cinderblock responded.

Robin dove kamikaze at Cinderblock, tackling him by some miracle. The two roll across the floor and soon they hit the side-wall. Robin was on top of Cinderblock, and he was angry.

"Okay Cinderblock, start talking, where the hell is Slade?"

Cinderblock stared up at Robin for a moment, a look of befuddlement on his big concrete face. Soon little hearts materialized around his head and he cooed while gazing dreamily up at the Boy Wonder's face.

"Gruuugh groogrug!" He flirted.

"W-what is going on here? ACK!" Robin shouted as Cinderblocks massive concrete arms pull him down to the behemoth who graced the Boy Wonder with a big wet gay cement kiss on the lips.

A look of mortification crossed Robins features as he struggled helplessly to escape from the gay mutant.

When Cinderblock finally pulled his mouth away from his he shouted, **"Help! I need an adult! Rape! I need an adult! Raaaape!"**

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Robin was now caught ass deep in Slade's trap. He was the villains apprentice, and he was royally pissed. He was at the foot of the Evil Concrete Throne of Absolute Misery and Peril ™ awaiting the Crime Lord's precense. Slade was now 30 minutes late, and Robin was getting impatient.

'Maybe he fell off a cliff and died on impact.' Robin thought gleefully, 'Or maybe he got caught in one of those big gears and was crushed in a bloody doom!'

"Sorry I'm late Apprentice." Slade said as he suddenly appeared on the Evil Concrete Throne of Absolute Misery and Peril ™.

'Dammit!' "What kept you so long?" Robin questioned agitatedly.

"If you must know Robin, I was playing with my Pussy. Like it's any of your business." Slade said non-chalantly.

A look of nausea and disgustion crept it's way onto Robin's face.

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The whole ordeal was over. Slade was defeated. Raven was meditating on the roof, Robin and Starfire were running the bases in Robin's Room, and Cyborg and Beast Boy were up to no good as usual.

"I am so going to get revenge on that little STD…" Cyborg mumbled evilly, "Alright BB, is the camera on?" Cy asks as a home video focuses in on his figure.

"Yea dude!" is heard in the background.

"Alright then. Robin?" Cy brings his right hand up, which has a crude puppet of the Boy Wonder on it, "Do you like Homosexuals?"

Cyborg speaks out of the side of his mouth in a high pitched voice, _"Why, yes Cyborg. I most certainly do!"_

"Well Mr. Robin with the eyemask, tell us about that time you were up at Rick's and... that guy Slade came up to you and he was like, **"Hey, I'm Slade and I like little boys with eyemasks."**

_"Oh yes, I remember that. And then I was like, "Ooo baby-baby, I gonna touch, yo penis tonight!"_

**"Well that's cause I'm Slade, and the boys like to touch my penis!"**

_"I've had many encounters to speak of with homoeroticism!"_

"Yea I betcha have faggot."

_"Faggity-fag McFlex Deluxe!"_

"And so people of the world, that's what happened in the Titan's latest adventure." Cyborg said directly to the camera._  
_

Cyborg gave Beast Boy the 'cut' signal.

"So, didja get it?" Cyborg asked eagerly.

"Totally dude, every bit of it!' the changeling laughed maniacally.

The two friends then used the Titan Computer to get the video up on the Internet where it was then downloaded by millions and millions of people around the world.

* * *

_Saint H's Author's Notes of Sexiful Electric Master-God Proportions:_

Well, there's the first chapter. If you have an episode you'd especially like me to do just mention it in your review. Chances are it'll get done sooner or later. Anyway, drop a review and tell me what you think of it. Good night. (I'm 16 byzotches! Woohoo!)


	2. Aftershock

_Saint H's Failed Driver's Test Yesterday Goddammit Author's Notes:_

Damn, I failed my Driver's Test Yesterday. Now, I could go to somewhere else, take it today, pass, and get my license. But everywhere else is far, far away and the place where I took it yesterday (the only place close) is open only on Wednesdays. So I have to wait another flucking **week** to try again. Now some of you might be asking, 'Jeeze St. H, I thought you were a hardcore badass (not likely) how'd you fail?' Well, it's this thing called speeding and not using your blinkers when parking on a curb… and being a smidgen too far away from the curb in parallel parking, and there was that one really shytastic turn, but don't worry, I'll take it again next week, I won't speed, I'll use my blinkers, and I'll pass and go to the pool every damn day to hang with hot chicks in almost nothing. Well, either hang with them or be maced by them, one of the two. Anyway, enough of the rantage, time for review responses!

**_DigitalGlowStick_** Instant classic… like instant mashed potatoes… mmmmm yummy. 

**_RaidersRule76 _**I thought that was a good one too, thanks for the review.

**_Crimson Inferno_** Well, all my shyt is really focked up, isn't it?(forgive the censoring, this is a T fic)

**_Mel-Is-Uncover_** Oh, don't worry, I'm, writing more, right now as a matter of fact!

**_Terra Logan_** Thanks for the mediocre review… (H loses 20 life for being smartass)

**_They-Call-Me-Orange_** Random make-out scenes and stupid parodies, those I can do, oh, those I can do.

**_Im in a kill people mood _**I dunno if you got 16 mixed up with 18 or if it's different where you live, but the only cool thing that happens at 16 is getting a drivers license here in the US. I wish I could vote, then Nader would be President. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.

**_Gem W_** Yeah, too bad you didn't get in on _3rd Wall!_ before it got deleted, Cyborg had some good songs on that one. Aftershock, huh? I'll see what I can do.

**_Falcon demon general_** Thanks for reviewing man, I like reviews, they're my textual crack… what? I'm being serious.

Disclaimer: H owns nothing.

Because **_Gem W_** was the only one with a request, and I hadn't really chosen which episode to do for this chapter yet, the unseen parts of Aftershock will now be revealed!

**_Chapter 2 Aftershock Parts 1 and 2_**

Terra and Beast Boy walked into the truck stop style restaurant that was named 'Big Long Fat Willie's Bar and Grill, Home of the Special Sauce Burger!'. The two sat down and ordered their pies, Beast Boy took a taste, upon which he uttered the famous words, "This is the greatest pie, in the history of pie."

But little did the green changeling know about the conversation happening in the back between the waitress and the cook.

"Hey, Big Long Fat Willie! I just spit on that green kid's pie, Hah!" The waitress laughed.

"Oh yea? That's nothing, I spurted my famous Special Sauce all over it!"

"…" the waitress responded.

"…" Big Long Fat Willie retorted.

"You're absolutely disgusting."

"Hey, come on you know it's funny!"

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Slade continued to stalk the two teens unnoticed. Terra and Beast Boy were now at the carnival, and as the two got closer and their bond grew stronger, Slade got angrier and angrier. As he was watching the two ride the bumper cars, in a seeming innocent fashion that with a devious and somewhat intelligent mind can be see as sexual, he let out his frustration verbally.

"Damn that Slutty McSlut, she's practically raping that green Titan like she was me the other night! Damn, damn, damn!"

A little boy walked up beside our one eyed villain, "But Mr. they're just playing on the bumper cars."

"Yes my boy but with a devious and somewhat intelligent mind you can see how this is actually an act of explicit and gratuitous sex." Slade explained to the small boy.

"Gee Mr., what's sex?"

"Uh, ummm, Hey! You wanna play a game?" Slade asked as he tried to ditch the little boy.

"Ya! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I'm gonna play a game!" the child screamed with excitement.

"Ok, lets play NASA, you can be the astronaut."

"How do you play?"

"Well, first you have to put on your space helmet!" Slade said, slipping a plastic bag over the child's head and stapling it shut at the bottom.

With this deed done Slade turned his attention to the two making sweet bumper car love. "That two timing blonde bitch! I can't believe I let her play with my Pussy…" he mumbled.

Slade soon realized that the two were leaving the bumper cars and heading for the game stands. Our masked villain turned to the suffocating little boy, "Houston, we have a problem, hahaha!" Slade laughed manically as he stalked his prey.

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The invasion of Titans Tower was underway. Massive swarms of Slade-bots were attacking the individual Titans scores at a time.

But somewhere, in all the chaos of the magnificent season ending battle, two peculiar Slade-bots had stumbled upon something very sacred, very mysterious, and, if you inspected harder than it's master ever allowed, very risqué.

Raven's room.

"Hey! Slade-bot 311! Check out all these old books, she must really dig literature."

"Well no shyt Slade-bot 225!" Slade-bot 311 said, trying to find something to take back to Master that he would like. Slade-bot 225 had no such noble intentions, he was just looking for some fun.

"I bet she'd make love to a book if she could! Heh." 225 laughed.

"What are you rambling on about, how would she even do that?" 311 asked.

"I dunno, maybe the book would have some sort of ancient spirit trapped within it named Malchior that revealed itself to Raven and together they cast a spell to create a body made of book pages for Malchior and the two made hot steamy love on the floor." 225 said with great detail.

311 raised a robotic brow.

"Or not." 225 shrugged. The mischievous Slade-bot 225 meandered around the forbidden room while the cataclysmic battle raged outside. "Hey sweet! I found her panty drawer!" He said excitedly, digging around the massive amounts of black cotton.

"What are you doing 225?" Slade-bot 311 asked, still trying to find a suitable souvenir for his Master.

"Oh chill out 311, besides, who would have thought the Mighty Raven wore a thong? Check it out!" 225 said tossing the risqué article to his mechanical brother. 311 caught it and, after making sure 225 wasn't watching, took a deep sniff of the underwear.

"Dude, you are one sick little Slade-bot, 311." Slade-bot 4 said coming into the room.

"W-what are you doing here 4?"

"I decided to find something suitable to give to the Master upon our return… and to raid her panty drawer." 4 admited.

"Join the party 4!" 225 said. He had dumped the entire drawer on the floor and was currently swimming around in it's contents.

Later, the three Slade-bots would run out of Raven's room and face her wrath.

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Beast Boy turned his back on Terra, "Slade was right, you don't have any friends!"

Terra gasped, hurt.

Slade stepped out of the shadows, "Come apprentice, there's been a change of plans."

Beast Boy sulked for a moment or two before returning to Titans Tower at full speed to tell his friends of Terra's treachery and help to stop the Slade-bots.

…

A few moments passed quietly.

…

…

Slade and Terra rolled out of the shadows, one on top of the other. Fortunately for us, they still had their clothes on.

"Oh Slade!"

"Don't ever forget who the real man is Terra!"

"Slade, hunny, it's kinda hard to kiss you thru your mask."

"Not really, observe."

"… Whoa! I didn't know the human tongue could do that!"

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"**RauuuraAAUGH!"** Terra roared as she focused her energies and blasted Slade back into the lava.

Or so she thought.

Down below Slade had caught hold of a rock and was now dangling precariously over the hot magma destruction.

"Ugh!" he grunted as he slowly reached up to grab hold of another rock.

"Hey Mr." a familiar voice came.

"What? Oh no!"

"Playing NASA wasn't very fun," the little boy said maliciously. He had removed the bag from his head and now was sitting on a large jutting rock just above Slade, "How about we play, 'Go to Hell'? Muwahaha!" The little boy laughed venomously as he kicked Slade's hands loose causing the villain to fall to his doom.

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A few moments later Terra was in Beast Boy's arms.

"Beast Boy, I have to stop the volcanoe, I'm the only one who can."

"Terra…" Beast Boy said, tears in his eyes.

The two young lovers held each other in one last embrace. But before Terra let go she uttered one last thing in the changeling's ears, "Sorry BB, but Slade is a _way_ better kisser than you."

_"What!"_

* * *

_Saint H's Holy Cow that was Totally Wrong Author's Notes:_

Well, now that you've read yet another disturbingly creative chapter full of Saint H goodness, it's time to review and tell me what you thought of it. If you laughed and loved it, review, if my vulgarity made you cry like a flat chested girl, review, if you think I'm a monster for the disturbing jokes I may write and want me to burn in hell, review, if you had any reaction other than the one's I've listed above, review anyway. Thank you, and good night.


	3. Deception

_Saint H's OMFGuush This Fic is Actually Popular Author's Notes:_

I got my license! I got my license! I got my license! I am better than you! Review Responses!

**_Terra Logan_** (give puppy eyes) Don't hurt me! Thank for reviewing… Don't hurt me!

**_RaidersRule76_** Bumper Cars Gratuitous Sex, I'm telling ya.

**_They-Call-Me-Orange_** I have a deranged mind, fun, but deranged.

**_Falcon Demon General_** I passed, I passed, go me, go me! Thanks for reviewing.

**_I'm in a kill people mood_** NASA is fun… the jackass is updating.

**_BunnySquirrel_** The Fantastic 4 would get their asses kicked by my 2 year old niece. But thanks for reviewing.

**_OractiveMind_** When you say 'Broken' do you mean 'Fractured'? Because if you do then I'll try it next chapter. Mainly because it will be hard to make that one funnier than it already was.

**_Orlifan4561_** Thanks.

**_Crazychipmunkpopcornfreak _** Fear Itself, Spell Bound, Nevermore… okay, each of them now have one third of a vote. Thanks for reviewing!

**_Gem W_** Yea, sorry about that, I didn't realize it until it was posted, oh well. Once again, I'm taking your advice and doing 'Deception' mainly because it's my favorite episode.

**_MeteoraGirl27_** Vagi-cat, huh? I can see it now, 'Mommy mommy! I want a Vagi-cat for Christmas!' Haha, yea… thanks for reviewing.

**_ImNOTtelling_** THE END, I'll try that… sometime.

**_-RenegadeMustang-_** I'll do Birthmark when you update Shades of Silver! 'Or whenever I run out of ideas for anything else' So HA! Thanks for reviewing.

**_Demented Insane Spirit_** Hey! It's you! And me! Again! Alright! So, how's it been going? (2 hours of small talk later) Well, it's awesome seeing you again, I'll try and review your stuff. Well, see ya!

**_You suck_** (looks at 14 other reviewers loving the fic(looks at you)) Riiiight… thanks for reviewing.

Disclaimer: Disclaimage!

Well, just so you know, I passed my drivers test! (everyone on the road, watch the hell out!) Also once again **_Gem W_**'s suggestion _'Deception'_ is up. **_OveractiveMind_**'s suggestion of _'Fractured'_ will be up next time so I can make sure it's good. Anyway, new chapter in 3, 2,

_**Chapter 3 'Deception'… no, it really is Deception I promise you!**_

Cyborg had just shown his new kick-ass gear (holo-rings and Cy-Clone hehehe.. Cy-Clone, like cyclone but not!)

"Wait just a sexond!" Beast Boy exclaimed as Cyborg was about to go get ready for the mission.

The others sighed.

"What is it BB?" Cy asked his voice saturated with fatigue.

"…. What else can those Holo-Rings turn you into?"

"Well, umm, y'know, it can turn me into a-a umm… yea!" Cyborg responded, blushing.

…

"… You so turn yourself into Beyonce and touch yourself!" Beast Boy laughed with victory.

"I do not!" Cyborg yelled, right before the holo-rings malfunctioned and he turned into Beyonce. "Uhh…."

Raven glared and Beast Boy for asking the question and then glared at Cyborg for being a perv.

Robin was eyeing the holo-rings with a malicious glint in his eyemask.

Starfire was staring off into space.

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"Brother Blood, a new student has entered our school." A HIVE lackey reported to the villain.

"Let me see this new student." Blood command from behind his desk.

A large screen appeared from the ceiling, it turned on to reveal Cyborg as 'Stone'

Blood's mouth dropped open and his eyes went wide.

"Umm, sir?" the lackey said.

Drool hung from the corner of Blood's mouth.

"Br-Brother Blood? Are you OK?" the lackey asked.

"He's- he's beautiful! **I MUST HAVE HIM!**" Blood yelled as his eyes suddenly transmuted into hearts.

The lackey slowly backed away from the swooning super-villain.

"I mean, look at him! His big muscles, the swagger in his walk, that bulge in his pants, my good Satan, he's the epitome of sexity!" Blood fawned.

The lackey sprinted out of Blood's Office with all speed.

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"Hello ladies!" Beast Boy said slyly.

"Hey look it's the little green dude from the Titans." one girl said.

"He's kinda cute." said another.

"I bet he's a bad lover though." deduced the last girl.

'Time for my wingman!' the changeling thought.

The Cy-Clone came out of nowhere and in a mechanical voice said.

"Boo-ya! Beast Boy is a totally great lover!"

The girls looked impressed.

'Yes! It's working!' Beast Boy thought.

"I know because he and I always do the 'Boo ya!' before bed time!"

The girls looked like the were about to be sick.

Beast Boy was in no better condition.

"Yes, BB's amazing 'Boo ya!' goes all the way up my 'Boo ya!' and then he 'Boo ya!'s all over my 'Boo ya!'" Cy-Clone said in monotone.

The girls had now ran away vomiting.

Beast Boy had turned into a fly and zoomed as far away from the malfunctioning robot as quickly as he could.

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Brother Blood was standing on his hover-thingy and talking to a stadium full of students, "Gentlemen! Behold! I have created corn!"

The students stared at a table with a massive pile of corn-on-the-cob on top of it.

Billy Numerous raised his hand.

"Yes Billy?"

"Can I have some corn?"

"Sure thing!"

"Awesome!"

Billy jumped out of his seat and ran towards the table.

The corn flew at Billy and impaled itself in his body, spraying blood everywhere.

"Today's lesson students? **BEWARE THE GODDAMN CORN MOTHERBITCHES!**"

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Stone, Jinx, Mammoth, and Gizmo were sitting in the Rec-Room. A random student was trying like hell to win and online game of Halo 2, and Mammoth was trying like hell to mess him up.

Mammoth was now sitting on top of the TV and waving his massive arms in front of the screen while trashing talking at a high pace, "Am I messin' ya up? Are you dead yet? Am I messin' ya up? Huh? Huh? Oh man you got sniped! These guys are thrashin' you man! Why are you even playing? Oh man, just put down that n00b stick before you hurt yourself! Am I messin' ya up? Messed up yet?"

Stone and Jinx were cuddling one another on a couch.

Gizmo was by himself watching another TV.

"A'right! Next we're gonna surprise attack Iran! Er, Iraq? One of them!" the President said, "Now, I don't know what state Iraq is in, but we're gonna get you! Cuz you tried to kill my Daddy! And my Daddy had enough trouble trying to put food on us when we were little kids…… Daddy says I'm a pretty little girl."

The scene switched to a man behind a news desk, "We interrupt this message from the president to bring you this special announcement!" The scene once again switched, this time to the format of an infomercial.

"Uh Oh America! Here comes Tito!"

Gizmo focused on the TV.

"You've seen curves, and you've seen tits, but if it's girls you want go away! We've got black meet swinging on by!"

Gizmo's eyes went wide, "**Sweet! This is so sweet! Oh My God!**"

"That's right, Tito is back in the flesh! Times Nine Inches!"

"**Yes! So Sweet! Oh My God!**"

"And if you call now you'll also get 'Tito Gone Wild: Fred Durst Style!'"

Fred Durst was shown with Tito, "Yea! I'm Fred Durst and I'm here, rocking it out with Tito! Yea! We're rocking it out, micity mic I like the dick!"

"**Sweet! Oh My God! Where's my phone?**" Gizmo said exasperatedly.

"Just call 1-800-HOT-TITO! Call now!"

The scene switched back to the man behind the news desk, "And with that special announcement over we return to our wonderful president who really does nothing for us at all."

"… So bin Laden is nothing but a big bully, and he can't bully us……… America! This is a great country we live in, we're much better than the country… Africa."

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"Gentlemen! Where are my robes?" Blood asked another stadium full of students.

"Your what?" Bumble Bee asked.

"My robes! Y'know, the things I wear!"

"But, Brother Blood, you're wearing them right now, they're on your body." Bumble Bee pointed out.

Blood looked down at the robes that he was indeed wearing, he looked back at the girl, "Bullshyt!"

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The walls of the HIVE acadamey were falling down around them.

Jinx looked up at Cyborg, "You could've been one of us."

Cyborg looks down at Jinx, "I coulda been a lot of things."

**(Somewhere, a thin boy with lots of brown hair is sitting in front of his TV)**

"Best… damn… one-liner… ever!"

* * *

_Saint H's Ending the Parody of my Favorite Episode Author's Notes:_

Well, there it is. The newest chapter of _'Interlude'_. Next time 'Fractured' hopefully I'll even be able to do that! Anyway, review and tell me what you think about this chapter. (I can drive legally… bitches.) Good night.


	4. Fractured

_Saint H's you bitches are lucky to be getting any more chapters from me Author's Notes:_

Hey everyone, my life has been decently eventful sense I left you with my last update on _Closet Jocks_, I worked, went to a party, nearly died in a wreck, y'know, normal stuff. Thank God for seatbelts eh? Early today I started repairing the fence I broke down when I swerved to miss the deer. Let me give you some advice, HIT THE DAMN DEER! DON'T SWERVE LIKE I DID! Ok, anyway, I'm fine, the car's fine, the fence is repaired, the deer (unfortunately) is fine, and I'm not being sued for the guys fence. Review Responses!

**_BunnySquirrel_** Oh, my weirdness is on the DragonBall Z level! Respect! 

**_They-Call-Me-Orange_** I would be elated to have you steal one of my quotes! Go ahead! Oh, and thanks for reviewing.

**_RaidersRule76_** I dunno about BB, but I stalk Star… Also, once I actually SEE Mother Mae-Eye, I'll get right on it.

**_Punkmonkey_** It's OK, I admit my fics aren't for everyone.

**_Albino-Ghost_** I'll try and get it done.

**_TheSilverChakra_** Don't worry, I will update as often as I realistically can. Thanks for reviewing.

**_DIS_** Oh, and I'm not really adorable? Hahaha, Anyway, I may have my license but I friggin wrecked! Oh well, the car and the fence and the deer are all ok, oh yea I'm fine too. Thanks for reviewing DIS.

**_MeteoraGirl27_** Thank you! I've been waiting for someone to suggest 'Sisters' I have sooo many ideas for that episode. Hehehe

**_teh reviewer_** What now Steve?

**_Gem W_** Well, I might die when I almost killed myself in a wreck two nights ago… thank goodness for seatbelts!

**_Terra Logan_** I have thought about it actually, I could do a lot weirder stuff if I upped it, but right now I'm ok. Thanks for the review and the concern.

**_OveractiveMind_** It's totally not a problem, once I actually came up with the IDEA for what to do, it was really fun to write!

**_TheAlabamaKid_** Just to clarify, Beast Boy is the MAN. If _3rd Wall!_ hadn't been deleted I'd tell you to check it out, Beast Boy was straight up pimpin' in that story.

Disclaimer: **IT'S ELETRIC!**

Here's the newest chapter of _Interlude_ suggested by **_OveractiveMind_**. Here it comes in 3, 2,

_**Chapter 4 'Fractured'**_

"Are you ready to rock the Dragon on this LSD Cy?" Robin asked his mechanical friend.

"Yea, yea I think so. But I'm not feeling anything, are you? Robin? Robin?"

But Robin was already out of it, his eyes widen under his eyemask and he stripped down to his underwear. Suddenly an odd creature came up behind him and said, "Hey Robin!"

"Hey RootMan!"

"What're you and Cy doing out here in the middle of the desert?"

Robin looked around, he was now indeed in the desert.

"Nothing much RootMan! Just trippin' **BALLZ!**"

"You need to give me a rubber chicken or I'm going to kill you!" RootMan said pleasantly with a smile on his face.

"What're you talking about RootMan? It's not like rubber chickens just fall from the sky.

_Thwump!_

Robin gazed at the chicken that had indeed just fallen from the sky.

"Beautiful naked women with humongous jugs just don't fall from the sky!"

"What is he doing?" Raven asked Cyborg as they watched their leader prance around the room and talk to imaginary people in his underwear.

"I have no idea."

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"Hold still Ta-kun!" Starfire said, lifting her Rickenbacker Bass high above her head and bringing it down on Robin's forehead.

"Ouch! Jeez Star, what was that for?" Robin whined, holding his head.

"Yea Star, why?" RootMan asked ston-ed-ly.

Suddenly Robin started yelling, "HOLYSHUCKINGFITSOMETHINGSGOINGTOPOPOUTTAMYHEADALLFURIKURISTYLEYO! AAAAAAAH!"

_POP!_

"WTF are you?" Robin asked the little him that had just popped out of his head.

"I'm you! A different you! I funnier you! A you with a bigger penis! Hehehe!" Nosyarg Kcid aka Larry said in his weird little Larry voice.

_**Momentary Unneeded Unwanted Script Format Change!**_

Robin: … Why you little jerk! You're penis is not bigger than mine! I'm gonna break you're finger! (he **DOES**)

Larry: Ouch! You broke my finger and because you're on LSD that also makes reality broken! Why'd you have to go and break your hallucination's finger Robin? Why? I think I'm going to cry now! (Larry **CRIES**)

Starfire-Hallucination: Robin, let us travel to your room and make the out while wearing no clothing!

Robin: Sounds good to me! (they **GO**)

_**Back to normal Prose writing!**_

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"OH Starfire, yea! YEA! OMFYTFSFGOMFGuushICNBI!" The wacked-out Robin said as he humped a pillow.

"Dude, what is up with Robin? Hahaha!" Beast Boy said, coming into the room.

"That's what I'd like to know, but Cyborg doesn't want to explain!" Raven said as she death-glared Cyborg.

Cyborg sweat-dropped.

_Back in Robin's hallucination…_

"Dude, Beast Boy! You have no mouth! Hahahaha!" Robin laughed.

Time passed-

"Yo Time! Wassup my Broha!" Robin asked as Time passed him.

"Dude Robin, I know you're trippin' ballz but you can't break the fourth wall!"

"Oh, sorry dude."

Time passed and further into the hallucination.

"The city belongs to Johnny Rancid!" the villain screamed as he ran off to cause havoc in the city with his new powers.

"C'mon Titans, we've gotta stop him!" Cyborg said as he and the other Titans chased Rancid down.

"Wait a sexond!" Robin said. He looked back at the portal that controlled the universe, he looked at the direction Rancid had left to, "What a dumbass!" Robin stepped up into the portal, once again the city change. Except this time all the buildings transformed into turning gears and concrete, and there were nude pictures of Slade everywhere.

Robin's eyes widened "… Oh yea!"

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Starfire was beating Robin on the head, trying to bring him back to reality, "Robin, **Robin? ROBIN!**"

"That isn't going to work Starfire. Now Cyborg tell me what's going on so I can end this!"

_Back in Robin's Hallucination…_

Robin was floating amongst the stars in a lotus position. He spoke, "For the first time in my life I am completely and fully whole! I'm like an egg man! I'm a focking **_egg_**!"

_Back in reality…_

"Ok Raven, Ok. Robin and I were going to rock the dragon on LSD. Buuut, I haven't felt anything and Robin's been going crazy. By the way, here's that box of LSD." Cyborg said, handing Raven the box.

Raven's eyes widened, she slapped her forehead before screaming, "You idiots, this isn't LSD! It's EPT!" (Error Proof Test(Y'know, for pregnancy))

All of a sudden Robin, who was dancing around the room and jumping over nothing, stopped and looked at Raven, "What!"

"Man, Robin, I told you we didn't have to piss on anything to get high off LSD!" Cyborg raged at his friend.

"Man, I was totally having a placebo effect!" Robin said as he put his uniform back on.

"Robin, you're sanity has returned!" Starfire celebrated as she threw off her top and hugged the Boy Wonder.

What?

Don't look at me like that she still had her bra on!

…

Anyway…

"Yep, everything's back to normal!" Beast Boy stated cheerfully.

"Not everything…" Raven said in horror, "Cyborg, your test… it's positive!"

_**Another Unwanted Script Section!**_

Beast Boy: Dude, that's f-ed up!

Cyborg: I can't have a bab- Holy shucking fit my water just broke!

Cybrog's Water: (**BREAKS**)

Robin: We need to get ready to deliver Cyborg's Baby!

All Titans beside Cyborg: (**DO**)

Cyborg: It hurts! It hurts! Aaaaaah!

Raven: Just push Cyborg! **Push!**

Cyborg: I will! (he **PUSHES**)

_**Another Return to Prose Section!**_

"Just push Cyborg! PUSH!" Robin yelled.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGAAAAA!**"

"Whoa, it looks like Cyborg's blowing a bubble!" Beast Boy shouted to everyone.

Raven looked back at Cyborg, "Push!"

"I am but it won't go back in!" Beast Boy shouted.

"Starfire, take Beast Boy's position!" Robin yelled.

"Yes!" she said, butt bumping the green teen out of the way.

Across the room where Beast Boy had crashed, "Holy cow, her ass was just in my face… sweet!"

"Congratulations friend and Male-Mother Cyborg! You have given birth to Quadruplets! Four Double A batteries!" Starfire jubilated.

"M-My babies!" Cyborg cried holding the batteries to his chest.

The T-Car busted thru the door to the room abruptly, "What the Hell? I thought I was your Baby!"

"Wha-what? Wait, you don't understand!"

"Oh just shut up! Just shut up Cyborg! I don't want to hear it you two timing whore! It's over, we're done!" T-Car said storming out of the room.

"Wait, T-Car, you're the father! **COME BAAAACK!**"

* * *

_Saint H's Yea, I so Totally Went There Author's Notes:_

Well, there it is. I'd really appreciate any reviews. By appreciate I mean review or I'll have my dog piss on your car. Thanks. Anyway, Good Night.


	5. The End

_Saint H's Holy Cow My Leg Frucking Hurts Author's Notes:_

I pulled my leg during football practice, it is in pain… but some people on our team are so damn slow I still run faster than them with only one good leg… needless to say those people don't play very often. Anyway, Review Response

_**Terra Logan**_ FLCL, ahhh, the first anime I ever liked. I'm glad you liked the chapter. 

**_They-Call-Me-Orange_** Nevermore, I'll try and get on that soon. Thanks for reviewing.

**_RaidersRule76_** OMFGuush! OMFGuush the medicine cabinet! OMFGuushzorz LYK OMFGuush!

**_Darthjag_** Brains are highly overrated. That fic you just read? Written entirely Brain-Free.

**_Im in a kill people mood_** It isn't so much that Cyborg is a woman, as I just wanted him to have a baby.

**_Bunnysquirrel_** Beware the weirdness level is rising.

**_DIS_** LSD, EPT, it's all Greek to me! Now if you're talking PCP, then I'm your man! (jk)

**_Overactive Mind _**You saluted me! I feel like the President! Except, y'know, with a penis.

**_Rose Mage_** Hey, dude, you have the same fixation; I just admit it because I'm secure in my manliness. Unless you're a girl, then you're just a lesbian.

**_Albino-Ghost_** Don't worry, I have a thing against CAT-scans.

**_Harrypotterjunkie_** I dunno, I bet your soul would taste pretty good with some onions and mayo…

**_MeteoraGirl27_** Glad you liked it.

**_Gem W_** Yea, well the moral of the story is don't drink and drive….. I mean, don't drive 70 on gravel roads at night when deer are most active…. I mean, deers are evil… yea, that's it.

**_Melthree_** Wonder no more good Citizen of Cyberspace!

**_The Kid From The South_** So, funny and with a cool plot, it really isn't anything like a soap is it? That's too bad, y'know how I like my soaps! Thanks for reviewing.

**_Napolean Dynamite Clone_** 7 outta 100! Yes! That's like an 8 percent! … wait…

Disclaimer: I ain't no holla back girl!

_**Chapter 5 The End**_

Raven was asleep.

Then she woke up.

"No!" She said looking at the marks on her body.

Hickies and other odd skin abrasions littered her body, proving that she had indeed been sloshed and gotten 'social' with the boys last night at the party.

But then something much worse started to appear on her skin.

"NO!' she said looking at the mark that had appeared on her body.

An evil ugly zit protruded from her leg.

"I can't let anyone see me like this!" she exclaimed.

Then the Marks of Scathe appeared too.

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"We wanted to keep you safe," Robin explained to Raven as she was carried by Cyborg and flanked by Star and BB, "so we built this place."

He stopped in front of a door, pushed a few buttons on the control panel next to it, and it opened up.

To reveal a dimly lit room, full of mirrors, in the center of the room a round bed sat with a pair of fuzzy handcuffs lying on it. Whips, chains, leather, and odd Tamaranean objects adorned the walls and-

"OK, OK, nothing to see hear!" Robin said, quickly closing the door.

"Truly, there is nothing out of the regular in that particular room!" Starfire backed Robin up.

"Oh, the door to the protection room is right over here!" the Boy Wonder said, taking a few steps to the right only to stand in front of an identical looking door.

Cyborg, Raven, and Beast Boy just stared at the two, "You are some major sick kids…"

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Raven had just become the portal…

… god that sounds so perverted doesn't it?

Anyway, Trigon was making his big, fiery, deadly entrance.

"Holy shucking fit!" Cy said aloud, "That sucka is **HUGE**!"

"**T3h w0rld 133z IvI1n3!"** Trigon the Terrible yelled in his demonic voice.

"No! His mad 1337 skillz are too great! The world can't take it!"

And, as Robin said, the world couldn't took it and was turned into the flaming, statue filled, dilapidated slums of Trigon's Hell.

"N0!eleven W3 w1ll st0p j00 Tr1g0n! Rav3n gav3 us h3r 1337 p0w3rz b3f0r3 sh3 d13d!" the Titans yelled in sync.

"I-I4I-I4I-I4 j00 F0l1Z0rz! IvIy 4IvI4Z1IIC- 1337 5k111Z R IvI4kIIC- 411 llR 13453 133L0IIC- 2 llZZZ!"

"Oh no! His 1337 is so advanced it's making us his bitchez!" Cyborg said as all the surviving Titans were made into Trigon's bitchez.

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"Oh here, it's the Ring of Azar. Don't mind the fact that it's golden, has strange flame-red markings, and has immense untold mystical powers. No, I didn't make it out of cardboard and aluminum foil whenever I was watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy and hugging my Mint Aragorn Plushie. Oh Viggo! Take me away!" Slade said to the Titans.

"What a Tolkenite." Robin shook his head.

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Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy were facing down their dark selves. They couldn't beat them in fights. They tried switching fighting opponents, but that also failed, so they were down to fighting them based on their own personal skills.

"Alright then Dark Me! Rap Battle!" Cyborg said enthusiastically.

"_**Alright, you first!"** _Dark Cyborg said.

"Ok, noticeably F-A-T! Drop me a beat!" Cy said to a stone statue of some obese gangsta boi, who did nothing.

"I wear peas on my head! Don't call me a pea head!"

**_"I have bees on my head! Don't call me a bee head!"_**

"Bruce Lees on my head! Don't call me a Lee head!"

Over with the Beast Boys, they were having a joke contest.

"**_Why did the chicken cross the road?"_** Dark Beast Boy asked.

"Why?" Beast Boy asked.

_**"Because Terra hates you!"**_

"… Dude, that was a low blow… OK my turn! Knock Knock!"

_**"Who's there?"**_

"Buk Ita!"

**_"Buk Ita who?"_**

"Buk Ita jizz on your face!"

Then, over with the Starfires…

_**"You realize that I am far more horny for Robin than you are!"**_

"No you are not! I am more horny for Robin than any female in the Milky Way or Vegan system!"

_**"No, I am more horny for Robin!"**_

"No, I am more horny for Robin!"

**_"No, I am more horny for Robin!"_**

"No, I am more horny for Robin!"

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"Raven?" Robin said as he pulled a grey cloak off a little girl to reveal…

"Yo! What the hell do ya think ya doin? Me and Silent Raven was Rocking the Dragon on this here LSD until you showed!" A Raven in orange, also known to my more loyal readers as Stoner Raven, and a quiet Raven in a black cloak, "Silent Raven"(duh) said. Well, Silent Raven didn't really say it, she just kinda gave Robin a pissed off look.

"Uh, oh yea, I was trying to find our Raven…" Robin said sheepishly.

"All you had to do was ask Broha! But, she won't be much help…" Stoner said, revealing Cutesy Wittle Girly Girl Raven™.

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"**I am the Guardian, and I will kill you for no apparent reason, Slade!**" the Guardian said to our momentarily undead friend.

"Hmmm, yea, you would, except you can't really see me with that helmet on."

**"…****Oh shizzie…"**

"Karate Chop!"

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Cyborg and Dark Cy were still at it, though both were sweating and apparently very tired.

"Pancake on my face, makes me extra happy!"

_**"I like shampoo bottles that sit in my lappy!"**_

Beast Boy and Dark Beast Boy look like they were about to drop.

**_"Why did I cross the road?"_**

"Why?"

_**"Cuz I wanted some chicken!"**_

"Heh… that's weak man. Hey, did D-enda get a hold of your mom?"

_**"D-enda?"**_

"D-enda my cock! BOOM!"

Dark Beast Boy had been sufficiently shown up, and was absorbed back into Beast Boy.

_**"I am more horny for Robin!"**_

"I am more horny for Robin!"

_**"I am hornier than Lindsey Lohan is for recognition!"**_

"I am hornier than Tom Cruise is for George Lopez!"

_**"I am hornier than Ben Affleck for a cheap hooker!"**_

"I am hornier than some lifeless computer nerd for _HENTAI_!" Starfire declared.

"**_NO WAY! NO ONE IS THAT HORNY! I HAVE BEEN DEFEATED!"_** Dark Starfire said as she was absorbed into our good Starfire.

But, back to Cy and Dark Cy…

_**"I'll rip your eyes right outta their sockets!"**_

"I put bologna in my left pocket!"

"_**uh… uhhh…"**_

"I spread cream cheese in my gold locket!"

_**"…"**_

"You've been served worse than Andy Milonakis!"

"**_Word."_** Dark Cy said has he was absorbed into our Cy.

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Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, Beast Boy, and one badass mofo known as Slade were currently kicking the shyt out of Trigon.

"**Ai, I'm Trigon the F-ing Terrible! I should be kicking the shyt out of you guys!"** the big red Care Bear deduced.

"Dammit he figured it out!" Robin cursed.

_Somewhere on the battlefield, behind a rock..._

"I know what to do! Stoner!"

"Yea?"

"You create a distraction! Silent Raven!"

"…!"

"Go over there to Beast Boy's fallen body, in his utility belt you'll find a driver, get- AAAH!"

Cutesy Wittle Girly Girl Raven™ was cut off by Trigon lifting up the rock they were hiding under, **"Get it and do what daughter? Hit me with it?** **HAH! I'm a freaking demon! Go on Silent One, pick it up! Take your best shot!"**

Silent Raven looked at her cutesy child counterpart, she nodded in return. The barely conscious Beast Boy handed Silent Raven the driver.

Trigon exposed his bear chest, **"C'mon, take your best shot!"**

Silent Raven swung hard into Trigon's chest, cause him to explode in a burst of light and setting the world back to normal.

"Wh-What happened?" The other Titans asked our now normal Raven.

"Any instrument of God can vanquish a demon." The dark girl explained.

"_SILENT RAVEN'S AN INSTRUMENT OF GOD!"_ Stoner asked in shock.

"No, the driver is!"

Silent Raven glanced at the normal looking driver in her hands.

"Oh yea! I remember! That was the Pope's golf club that I stole from him whenever he dissed you on international TV!" Beast Boy remembered.

"Yep, and the Pope is the kinda nutcase that would bless his clubs for a better golf game." Raven finished.

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_Meanwhile, on some different world…_

A whole swarm of Trigon's flame soldiers are surrounded by an army of disgruntled Water-Beings.

"You just had to conquer the water planet, didn't you Joe!" one flame soldier asked cynically.

"Hey man, everyone else in the swarm got to pick a planet! I just wanted my turn too!" Joe lamely defended himself.

* * *

_Saint H's Dammit My Leg Still Frucking Hurts Author's Notes:_

I've got nothing much to say to you, besides review. Good Night.


	6. Spellbound

_Saint H's DAYAMN sophmore year is a bitch Author's Notes:_

Homework is teh suck! Girls are good, until they start riding your friends. Unless you're the friend of the guy who's girlfriends riding you, which I'm not unfortunately, but if I was, it'd be cool. Anyway, beside being busier than Jesus at a kegger that only has water my life is pretty good. And I'm here with another long-awaited chapter of _Interlude_, sorry about the wait.

Review Responses: **_RaidersRule76_**(kicks your ass)**_, Terra Logan_**(like Andy Milonakis)**_, TheKidFromTheSouth_**(takes karate(very cool))**_, They-Call-Me-Orange_**(is quoting this fic, rock on!)**_,OveractiveMind_**(agrees that Trigon has mad skillz)**_, bangbaby000, MeteoraGirl27_**(likes the water planet)**_, BunnySquirrel_**(doesn't realize that no matter what powers you give them, the Fantastic Four will always suck)**_, Lexi the Writer_**( has announced me the king of comedy(BOW DOWN BITCHES!))**_, DIS_**(kicks twenty different kinds of ass)**_, kmutt_**(recognized me making a reference to Futurama when I didn't even realize I was making a reference to Futurama)**_, Gem W_**(I'm running out of stuff to put in these parentheses)**_, Im in a kill people mood_**(likes to eat crumpets(just kidding))**_, Napolean Dynamite clone_**(has been chatting online with hot babes all day)

Disclaimer: Gone Fishing.

**Chapter 6 Spellbound**

"Now don't take candy from strangers, always look both ways before crossing the street, and don't touch girls in naughty places." A mother said pleasantly to her young son.

"I can take care of myself Mom!"

_MUNCH!_

Cardiac had eaten the boy, "I'm a huge floating heart, ph34r me!"

"Thou shall be stomped upon!" Robin said.

"Why is he talking like that?" Beast Boy asked confusedly.

"I do not know, but I find it quite arousing." Starfire said dreamily.

"I love you T-Car!" Cyborg said, hugging his vehicle.

_MUNCH! MUNCH! MUNCH!_

"Mmmm, innocent children, the other, other white meat!" Cardiac said heartily. (H loses 20 life for the bad pun)

"Cardiac, you're under arrest!" Robin said.

"OK, dude, that was just lame." Cardiac bitchslaps Robin.

Robin dies.

"OMFGuush! He killed Robin!" Beast Boy exclaimed.

"You bastard!" Cyborg screamed.

Cardiac bitchslaped Cyborg and Beast Boy.

They get hurt, but don't die, because they're cooler than Robin.

"Oh dayamn! No you didn't!" Raven bitchslapped Cardiac.

Cardiac dies.

Robin comes back to life.

"Hooray Beer!" Cyborg celebrated holding up a bottle of Red Strip beer, which I do not own.

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Cyborg and Beast Boy were just sitting around doing nothing much at all.

"So, whaddya want to do?" Beast Boy asked.

"I dunno, whaddya YOU want to do?" Cyborg asked.

"… We could dress in drag and give lap dances to old businessmen."

"Nah, we did that last week BB. Lets do something new.

"OK…

…

…

…

How bout we blackmail Raven into dressing in drag and giving lap dances to old businesswomen?" Beast Boy offered after a long silence.

"Blackmail her with what exactly?"

"Good point."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Wanna go harass Raven with Stankball?" Beast Boy asked excitedly.

"Do I?" Cyborg said gleefully.

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"… and that's how I defeated Archimonde the Defiler." Malchior explained.

"Wow, that's awesome." Raven said dreamily. Slowly, slowly, her right hand slipped down between her crossed legs, "Tell me another story baby."

"U-umm, what are you doing with your hand?" Malichor asked uncomfortably.

_**"TELL ME ANOTHER STORY OR I'LL SEND YOU TO A HELL SO DEEP AND FIERY YOU'LL WISH YO MOMMA HAD BEEN EATEN ALIVE BY YO GRANDPAPPY SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE EVA BEEN BORN BOI!"**_

"Y-yes Raven!" Malchior began another story.

"Good." Raven said as she, did ….something.

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_Ding Dong_ the doorbell rang.

"I shall answer it!" Starfire did as she said.

"Here it is, three medium pizzas, five dollars-"

_BANG!_

Starfire gasped with surprise as the Pizza Boy was shot.

"What's going on down there?" Robin said, Robining his way down to the door.

Slade ran up from his car, took the Titan's pizzas, kicked the dead carcass he had shot, and ran back to his car where he screamed, "Robin, yo momma was so fat that in her highschool yearbook her picture took up the whole page!" before driving off.

"**_SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE I H8 j00!"_** Robin screamed in 1337.

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Cyborg was riding along in his other car, a Cutlass Supreme, doing nothing of importance. He was wearing sunglasses and a hat to disguise himself.

He soon stopped by a green guy wearing a trenchcoat and sunglasses standing on a corner.

The green kid got in the car.

"So, you looking for a party?" the green kid asked.

"Yea, what's on the menu?"

"Handjob five dollars, blowjob ten dollars, rim job twenty dollars."

"… How's the blowjob?"

"The blowjob is excellent."

_10 minutes later, in a dark alley…_

The Cutlass Supreme was rocking back and forth, disgusting noises coming from it, before all suddenly stopped.

"Wow, that's a lot of jizz." The green kids voice could be heard.

"Yea, hey, wait a sec… B-Beast Boy!" Cyborg said in shock.

"CYBORG!" Beast Boy's voice said, surprised and irritated, "Cy, you don't have any money!"

"Sorry bro, I guess I owe you ten."

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"N-Now Raven, this body in only made of paper, and it's fragile! P-please don't look at be like that!" the paper Malchior pleaded.

Raven stepped out of the shadows in a Playboy costume.

"Sowy Mawchior, but Waven is **_horny as hell and wants to be taught a lesson!"_** Raven said is a baby-ing/demonic voice that would have made Malchior went his pants if he could have.

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"Cardiac, you are back, and that is wack, so prepare to be blasted back, into a trap, by my friend's sonic cannon plus he is black!" Robin tried to rap battle with the floating heart.

"Wait, I've turned vegetarian, I'm just taking this girl for a ride!" Cardiac said, telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"I don't believe it, Titans Go!"

Cardiac bitchslapped the Titans.

The Titans died.

Raven appeared, still in her Playboy Bunny outfit, **_"Cardiac, you're interrupting my heavy petting with Malchior, and that pisses me off severely!"_**

And with that Raven bitchslapped Cardiac into the second Tuesday of next week.

Oh, and the little girl died.

…

What?

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"**You see Raven? I'm a dragon! It won't work out!"** Malchior said, trying desperately to escape.

"You being a dragon just turns me on more baby!" Raven said, climbing up his tail.

"**Raven, I think we should see other people!"**

"WHAT!" Raven roared.

"**It's not you Raven, it's m- well ya, actually it is you. But we could still be friends!"** Malchior said, trying to shake Raven off his tail.

Raven looked up at Malchior with all the anger and fury a female gothic teenage superhero dress in a Playboy outfit can produce, and then she started bawling.

_"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MALCHIOR DOESN'T LOVE ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

Trigon appeared out of nowhere.

"**Are you treating my daughter badly?"** the inter-dimensional demon asked, taking the sobbing Raven into his palm.

"**N-no sir!"** the dragon said, pissing himself.

"**Change into your human form."** Trigon commanded.

Malchior did so.

"**Get some roses."**

Malchior did so.

"**Now apologize to my daughter and take her out on the best damn date of her life or else you'll have to deal with my unlimited RAGE!"** Trigon said, setting Raven down and then disappearing in a giant pillar of flame.

Malchior looked with fear at Raven, who was looking up at him with a trembling lower lip.

"W-would you like to go see a movie?" Malchior asked.

"How about we just skip to the sex?" Raven said, jumping on Malchior ravenously.

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"Well, I think we all learned a lesson here." Robin said.

"Yea, if Raven gives you the booty call, run and hide." Cyborg said.

"True that, true that." Beast Boy agreed.

"OH GOD! HELP ME!" Malchior's faint screams could be heard coming from Raven's room.

"Oh Malky-Walky! I just love this position!"

"MY SPINE!"

_Saint H's that's the end of this chapters Author's Notes:_

Remember to review on your way out, and have a good night.


	7. The Beast Within

_Saint H_: Sorry for long wait, life is preoccupying you know. 

_**RR76, 10 nades and a ROCK, Lexi,**_ and all the other wonderful reviewers are getting pleasured after they review this chapter by my personal bitch, George Clooney. Say hi to the nice people George.

George Clooney: Hi!

Disclaimer: H owns nothing.

_**Chapter 7 The Beast Within**_

"Beast Boy sucks."

"OH DAYAMN ADONIS NO YOU DID NOT!" Beast Boy raged, "Lets do this, RIGHT NOW!"

"Sure thing little man, but are you in, or are you out?"

"THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM ASKED LAST NIGHT! Er, wait a sec… DAMMIT!"

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Over with Raven and Starfire…

"Patty cake, Patty cake!"

"Man of the Baker!"

"Make me a cake…"

"As fast as you are able!"

"Put it in the oven!"

"And mark it with icing of a different color which reads of an "S" and an "R"-"

"For Starfire and me!"

""_YAY!_""

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"Hey Cy, your looking pretty cute." Robin said to his 'friend'.

"Your not so bad yourself."

Robin leaned back for a second and glanced at his friends metallic ass, "Mmm, baby you're buns of steel are looking pretty hot."

_CLANG!_ Sounded as Robin smacked his friends butt as the both watched Adonis and Beast Boy fight.

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"You need to loosen up bro, seriously." Adonis said nonchalantly as he blocked all of BB's attacks.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT YOUR DAD SAID LAST NIGHT!"

Adonis just stared.

"Ok, Adonis, that's obviously not what I meant to say." Beast Boy said blushing.

"Just get away from me bro, I don't want your gay cooties!"

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"Go Raven! Hop the Scotch!" Starfire shouted excitedly.

Raven tossed the pebble at the HopScotch board drawn on the floor with chalk.

"Seven!" Raven announced. She began to hop on the squares as she counted, "One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven!"

""_YAY!"" _the two girls screamed.

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"Oh Cyborg!" Robin said, dry humping his friends leg.

"Bro, Gay-Mode Off." Cy said bored as he tried to shake Robin off his leg.

"Oh CY!"

"_Get Offa My Freakin Leg BITCH!"_ the Mechanical Maniac said, hitting Robin on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

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Raven and Beast Boy bumped into each other.

"Sorry." Raven said.

"You best recognize bitch!" Beast Boy said, walking away.

"Damn, and I thought it was my time of the month." Raven said, walking away.

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Slade sat on his Evil Concrete Throne with his laptop on. He was in an Internet Chatroom called: **W3 B3z teh Villains! Ph34r UZ!**

**_DeathStroke109:_** I'm a hot smexy villain, and I want some babes!

**_AustinPowersWannaBe:_** HELL YA!

**_Trekkie420:_** Yea ladies, I'll live long and help you prosper.

**_6Bi6ker6: _**I love women! I do them every night!

**_Poe'sNumba1Bitch:_** Well, I'm here.

**_DeathStroke109:_** Holy shit guys, it's Raven!

**_AustinPowersWannaBe:_** Ah, a girl, I'm intimidated!

_**AustinPowersWannaBe has logged off.**_

_**DeathStroke109 has logged off.**_

_**Trekkie420 has logged off.**_

_**6Bi6ker6 has logged off.**_

**_Poe'sNumba1Bitch: _**That's right boys, Ph34r my vagina.

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"OMFGuush! The Fallout Boys are so cute!" Aqualad cooed.

"I know! I just love 'Sugar, Were Going Down'!" Speedy cooed.

The two stayed together for a few more hours talking about emo and giving each other rimjobs…

Yeah, that's right bitch, I went there.

But seriously, The Fallout Boys do kick your ass.

Not as much as Disturbed kicks your ass, but your ass is still being kicked by them.

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"You're pissing me off! You wouldn't like me when I'm pissed off, **ROAR!**" Beast Boy said turning into Beast.

"Yo!" The Incredible Hulk said, coming over, "What the hell do you think ya doin, all stealin' mah shyt?"

"**GROWL!**"

"Byotch that don't mean nothing foo! I want the money for my likeness rights!"

"**BARK!**"

"No way foo, I want my money now, fo sho!"

"**SNARL!**"

"MO MONEY! MO MONEY! MO MONEY!"

Beast used his claws to rip Hulk's stomach open killing him instantly.

And there was much rejoicing.

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"So sexy, you all better now?" Raven asks of everyone's fav Titan.

"Yea, Cy gave me some drug that totally calms down the Beast." Beast Boy responded.

"What was it?"

"He calls it Bermuda Grass, it's killer!"

"Well good for you, wanna get all Kinky Sexy Naughty right here by the bay?"

"You know it babe!"

* * *

_Saint H_: Review, George Clooney will pleasure you.

George Clooney: Since when?

_Saint H:_ Since you became my bitch.

George Clooney: And when did this happen?

_Saint H_: After you wore a Batman costume with NIPPLES on them. Review!


	8. Error: Episode Unknown

**Disclaimer: **Saint H doesn't own Teen Titans, Boba Fett, or Carson. Carson is an OC created by RaidersRule76 and is being used without permission... hopefully RR76 won't be pissed. (/SweetSmiley)**  
**_**

* * *

**_

_**  
Chapter 8 … SCHHTTT/Fatal Error: Fatal ErrorEpisode: Unknown… Episode: Unknown… Episode: Unknown**_

_**…**_

_**…**_

_**…**_

_**…**_

_**…**_

_**…**_

_**TheifBoi**_ has logged on.

**_EvilAlien: _**Wassup X?

**_TheifBoi: _**Hey there Black, nothing much. How bout you?

**_EvilAlien: _**Well I escaped jail but I still can't go back to Tamaran… so I'm chillin here on Terminus.

**_TheifBoi:_** Isn't that a moon of, like, Jupiter or something?

**_EvilAlien: _**Something like that… ever read _Foundation_?

**_TheifBoi: _**I don't know how to read.

**_EvilAlien: _**… right…

_**Trekkie420 has logged on.**_

**_TheifBoi: _**Hey Black, it's your fan-boy.

**_EvilAlien: _**Oh dammit to shyt!

**_Trekkie420: _**Hello there my wonderful Blackfire! Your Control Freak is here for you!

**_EvilAlien:_** Just leave me alone fat-ness!

**_TheifBoi:_** Oh, Nerdman is so burned.

**_Trekkie420: _**Silence Robin-Wannabe.

**_TheifBoi:_** Where do you live again?

**_Trekkie420:_** I have no time for this, I must cyber with Miss Blackfire!

**_EvilAlien:_** WTF!

**_TheifBoi: _**You two have fun with that, I'm out.

**_EvilAlien: _**WAIT X! Don't leave me alone with him!

_**TheifBoi has logged out.**_

**_EvilAlien:_** Ugh…

**_Trekkie420:_** We're all alone now baby!

_**EvilAlien has logged out.**_

**_Trekkie420: _**Hmmm, I guess that means I just have to cyber myself.

_**No one hears you.**_

**_Trekkie420:_** Oh don't give me that.

**_No one hears you._**

**_Trekkie420: _**All your base are belong to us… Nooblar.

_**No one hears you.**_

**_Trekkie420: _**DAMMIT!

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"Who's got the greatest Pussy in the whole wide world?" Slade cooed in the emptiness of his lair.

"_Meow."_ came the adorable response of the small white kitten on Slade's lap.

"Yes, your are just so cute I could eat you with a spoon!" Slade said to his Pussy.

"_Meow, Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."_

"Yes, you are the sweetest little Pussy in all of creation!"

Wintergreen, Slade's butler, walked up, "Slade, Red X is back in town, rumor has it he's looking for Control Freak… something about dissing his woman."

"Jebus Winterfresh can't you see I'm petting my Pussy right now?"

"Yes, but sir…"

"Ah ah ah, no talking while I'm playing with my cute little Pussy."

"_Purrrr."_

"Daddy loves you! Daddy loves you!"

"This is ridiculous." Wintergreen said, walking away.

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_**6Bi6ker6:**_ And so she was like, "Please don't tell people our bakery's motor bike ran you over!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOOOOLLOOLOLOOOLOLOLOXXLOOLLOPXXXXLOLOLOLOLO!

_**MasterofyoFate:**_ LMFAONFWDTHYASFLTMYSOABOMFGuuush!

_**DeathStroke109 has logged on.**_

_**6Bi6ker6:**_ Oh great, One-Eye is on.

_**MasterofyoFate:**_ Hocus Fucking Pocus.

_**DeathStroke109:**_ Don't make me send my Slade-bots afta yo white asses.

_**MasterofyoFate:**_ You're white too, Slade-y

_**6Bi6ker6: **_Ah man. Sorry guys g2g, my momma wants me to take out the garbage… er, I mean, uh, I-I've got to go rape a virgin… yeah that's it!

**_6Bi6ker6 has logged out._**

_**DeathStroke109:**_ Loser…

_**MasterofyoFate:**_ Total L 7 Square.

_**DeathStroke109:**_ So anyway, Mumbo, I want to know everything you know about this whole X/Blackfire/Control Freak issue running around.

_**MasterofyoFate:**_ Sorry bro, I know what you know, jack shyt.

_**Poe'sNumba1Bitch has logged on.**_

**_Poe'sNumba1Bitch:_** Control Freak is totally stalking Blackfire while Blackfire and Red X have a budding relationship and this totally pisses Red X off so Red X is coming to Jump City to kick Control Freak's fat nerdy ass in to his next fuck-day.

_**DeathStroke109: **_(O.O''') How the Hell do you do that Raven?

_**Poe'sNumba1Bitch:**_ I'm special.

_**MasterofyoFate:**_ No shyt, anyway why would you give sensitive info like that to villains like us, Ms. Superheroine?

_**DeathStroke109:**_ Good question, cough it up Rae, your under the light!

**_Poe'sNumba1Bitch:_** …First of all, _**N3V4HR!**_ call me 'Rae'…. Ughh! Secondly, I'm all alone in the Tower with a handsome hunk of man-meat and I don't want to have to call the others, so I figure vengeful and idiotic villains will do.

**_MasterofyoFate:_** Tch, like we're going to believe that…. RAE!

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In Mumbo's apartment…

**BOOOOMUTHAFUCKA!**

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**_MasterofyoFate has logged out… for good._**

**_DeathStroke109:_** Thanx for the info Raven, have fun screwing Beast Boy.

_**DeathStroke109 has logged out.**_

**_Poe'sNumba1Bitch:_** Grrrr….

_**No one hears you.**_

_**Poe'sNumba1Bitch has logged out.**_

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"How the fuck did he know it was Beast Boy?" Raven said to herself.

"Hey there foxy lady!" Beast Boy said, sliding into the main room in his underwear and large black sunglasses.

Raven smacked her forehead with an 'Ugh' and then she said outloud, "Geeze you're a dumbshyt, thank Azar for that ass."

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Meanwhile, down in Los Angeles where the other Titans where spending spring break…

"Who desires brownies which were baked with hash?"

"OOOO! OOO! I DO!"

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"Alright, here's the deal, I'm looking to make Control Freak dead. The first one of you to find him and take him out, that is if I don't do it first, gets a really nifty reward, that rest of you can go suck a noodle for all I care! Is that clear?" Red X explained to his mercenaries.

"You got it, nigga!" Cardiac said to X.

"Dude, di-did you just call me a 'nigga'… why?"

"Cuz you a nigga, nigga."

"Cardiac, I'm white." Red X explained, feeling uncomfortable with the "N" word flying around as much as it was.

Suddenly, Dr. Light, Cardiac, and Gizmo all started chanting the "N" word. Red X fumed.

_SWISH SWISH SWISH!_

Three X's flew thru the air and impaled themselves in the three villains, sending blood flying thru the night sky.

"OUCH!"

"IT OWIES MOMMY!"

"ACKIES!"

**BOOOOM!**

"Well, since they're gone now, I guess it's just you and me." X said to the last surviving man.

"You've got it." Said the green armored mercenary.

And with that, Red X and the infamous Boba Fett set out to kick some Nerdy-Fan-Boy-Ass.

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"AH! AH! AH! AH! TELL ME YOU LIKE IT!" Ravager screamed the song as she jumped up and jammed out in the mosh pit.

"I've got some China White in my car!" Carson said to the one-eyed girl, also in the mosh pit.

"What?" Ravager asked over the blaring music.

"I said I've gots the Cocaine- er nevermind…" Carson continued to jam out.

Ravager just shrugged, continuing to mosh uncontrollably, actually killing several other moshers in the process.

Cinderblock climbed up on the stage and yelled, "Yeah! Mr. Daniels pwns j00 Momma Boizzzza!" the giant granite block stage-dived, crushing several civilians, sending blood and organs everywhere.

"This is a great party!" Ravager screamed her drunken teenage head off.

"I've seen better." Carson screamed his very OOC head off.

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Boba Fett stalked the hallways of an abandoned Boob-Implant Factory.

"I never shoulda agreed to do this Force-Damned crossover, I don't care IF I get those tapes of Raven and Starfire taking showers from H, this is just lame.

"Is it lame, or is it _**DESTINY**_?" Control Freak said, stepping out from behind a rusted machine.

"Double-U Tee F?" Boba Fett exclaimed.

"I shall claim you Boba Fett, and you will be the pride and glory of my Starwars collection! Muwahahaha!"

"Oh great, a fan boy… DIE!" Fett shot at the nerd with his blaster.

C.F. merely held out his hand and deflected the lasers.

Fett's eyes widened underneath his helmet.

C.F. wiggled his fingers and Fett's blaster zoomed across the abandoned Boob-Implant Factory into the red-head's hand.

"NO!" the Fett-man screamed in terror.

"The force is strong with this one, HYAH!" C.F. shot Boba Fett with his shrink gun.

"Yes! Now the DeathStar will be complete!"

_"Doulbe-U Tee F are you talking about!"_ Boba Fett squeaked in his shrunken voice.

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C.F. placed the now plastic encased Boba Fett on the shelf by his bed.

"Boo."

"AAAH!" C.F. peed himself, "Who said that?"

"I did," X said materializing behind Mr. Fatty-Fatty-2-by-4-Can't-fit-thru-the-Kitchen-Door.

"No! Not you!" C.F. said, peeing himself again.

"You gonna cyber my girl now Byzatchex? Huh? HUH!"

"NO! JUST DON'T KILL ME!"

"Too late bitch!" X said, stabbing C.F. repeatedly in the gut with a rusty lead pipe, sending blood and un-digested Twinkies flying everywhere.

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Then Control Freak woke up.

"AH! Phew, that was a scary nightmare, I think I need to go cool off." He said, heading towards his apartment's bathroom.

Once there, amidst his Powerpuff Girls Tooth Brushes, and his Rei Ayunami floss, he turned on the sink and splashed cold water on his face.

He was, however, completely unaware of Red X's reflection in the mirror as he held up a large bloody butcher knife.

"Boo."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

* * *

_Saint H's Are You Confused Yet Author's Notes:_

_Hope you liked it. Remember to review!_

_Happy Halloween, byzatchex._


	9. Kole

_Saint H's Wrestling Hurts More Than I Thought It Would But Is Still Extremely Fun Author's Notes:_

Sorry for the delay, but between 'another' break up)actually, it wasn't so much a break up as she turned out to be a major-whoreass-greedy-motherfucking-bitch and I've decided that she isn't worth my worth-less time) and deciding to become a wrestler now that football is over(Wrestling hurts, a lot, but it's the most fun I've had in a long time, also it lets me work out aggression from a certain BITCH WHO I AM LAMELY BLASTING ON THE NET! UGH!)

Disclaimer: When the whistle blows, throw up your arm to break their grip, throw up the knee on the same side, then stand up and turn around as fast as you can.

**Chapter 9 Kole**

The Tit-Ans, dressed in their snow-gear, were walking around the North Pole… for no discernable reason whatsoever. Why do we care? Because the Titans are badass, and even a needless change of setting can be overlooked because of Raven with white puffies on her cloak. I mean seriously, look, Raven has WHITE FLUFFIES around the edge of her snow cloak! Isn't that fucking hilarious! I laughed my ass of, oh right, writing the story, my bad.

So there the Titans were, marching along the icy landscape, and much to the other's chagrin, Beast Boy was singing a song.

"Loo Loo Loo! I've got some apples!" the green changeling chirped merrily.

"Somebody please make him shut up." Raven moaned.

"Loo Loo Loo! You've got some too!"

"I'm gonna do more than shut him up if he doesn't stop here in a second." Cyborg groaned.

"Loo Loo Loo! Lets get toge-"

_CR-CRAAAAK!_

A large fissure opened up in the ice.

"Super Duper." Robin ejaculated(spurt) before the ice broke and all the Titans fell down into a mysterious black pit.

Starfire, who for some reason wasn't flying, shouted to the heavens, "With my Dying Breath I curse you Frodo Nine-Fingers!" and with that she was swallowed by the darkness.

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"Stay here Gnarrk, I'm gonna go take a bath." Kole said, heading for a lake.

"Gnarrk." He responded.

_Translation: Why of course my good lady please go and cleanse thyself in yonder lake whilst I stay here and excavate the bogeys out of my nostrils and the swallow them for pleasure._

…

…

A pterodactyl flew over head.

….

…

Gnarrk began to pick his nose.

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"Is everybody OK?" Robin asked overbearingly.

"I'm good." Cyborg said.

"I'm goth." Raven responded.

"I am horny!" Starfire chirped.

Robin's eyemask widened a little at that, "Ummm, right, so, where is Beast Boy?"

_Thud, thud, thud, thud,_

"What's that noise?" Raven asked.

"I dunno but it's coming from that bush." Cyborg pointed.

The four Titans snuck up behind the bush making the noise and dove in only to find…

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSHH! Dudes, don't make so much noise!" Beast Boy said as he went along _thud _about his _thud_ business. _Thud, thud,_

"BB this isn't really the time or place to do that-" Robin was cut off by seeing the pink haired, and quite naked, beauty playing around in the lake.

"What are you guys looking at- Oh." Cyborg spotted the same thing.

_Ziiip, ziiip_

_Thudthudthudthudthudthudthudthudthudthudthudthudthudthud_

Starfire stared furiously at the boys, especially Robin, "Hmph, boy are most disgusting creatures, yes Raven?" she inquired of the dark girl.

Raven quickly pull her hand out from under the bottom of her leotard, "Ahem, I'm sorry, what was that Starfire?"

"…Grrrrrrrrr…"

(spurt)

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Dr. Light stood somewhere of no consequence being his boring little self, "Here's more of me being a total douche bag!" he said cheerily.

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Just then, in a prison over at the Brotherhood of Evil's headquarters…

Hot Spot(fully clothed) looked over his cards at Wildebeest(in only boxers)…

Wildebeest(in only boxers) looked over his cards at Hot Spot(Fully clothed)…

"Show em." Hot Spot said, putting down his hand, "I got _two_ pair!"

"… Nnnngh" Wildebeest showed his hand, pocket deuces.

"YES! I WIN! TAKE IT OFF YOU BIG HAIRY BEAST!" Hot Spot celebrated.

Wildebeest stood up and dropped the boxers.

"…" Hot Spot instantly froze, "I…. I-I thought you were a _girl_ Wildebeest."

"Ngh…" Wildebeest responded quietly.

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Superman sat in the Watchtower with the Flash.

"So Clark, we gonna do anything about this 'Bro-hood uh Eval' and their black hole generators or what?"

"Nah." Superman said non-chalantly.

Flash just stared at the Man of Steel for a few moments of uncomfortable silence, "And why no-"

"**TAKE ME WALLY!" **Wonder Woman screamed as she jump the Flash from off-screen, motion blurs cover her very naked body.

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Dr. Light stood atop his machine, with Kole strapped to it, "I will now do something totally douche baggish as I am the worst villain ever! HAHAHA!"

The Titans just kinda stood there, looking bored.

"You got this one, GNOBU." Cyborg said.

"Gnarrk." The Titans corrected.

"Yea, whatever, go get em GARGOYLE, I'll just intentionally get your name wrong to piss you off."

"Gnarrk." The caveman responded.

_Translation: Up yours Flashlight Fucker._

Gnarrk then attack Dr. Lig-

**ZZZZZZZZzzttCHHKT…**

**This is the FF Admins, we regret to inform you that the following fight scene cannot be shown because we forbid images of Cavemen ramming wrenches of supervillains buttocks, we now return you to your regular fic…**

**ZZZZttt…**

"That was amazing Gnarrk!" Kole thanked the Caveman.

"Yea, good job, GUMBY!"

"Gnarrk." The Titans corrected Cyborg.

Over in the distance Dr. Light wailed, _"Oh God I've got a wrench shove up my ass!"_

They all laughed long and hard, "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!"

"Hah, hahaha!"

"Hehhehehehe!"

"Teehee!"

"Ohohohohohohohohoho!"

"Snnktt- hahaha!"

"Gnarrk!"

…

…

…

They all stood there.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Kole slowly slipped her hands up Gnarrk's loin cloth.

…

…

…

…

(spurt)


	10. Hide and Seek

_**Chapter 10 Hide and Seek**_

Raven sat in front of the Train Station, reading a smut novel to herself.

"'_Oh Ricardo! Take me!'_ _she said breathily. 'But what if your brother finds out Jezebel?' he asked warily. 'I don't care! Please Ricardo! Touch me!' she pleaded'._" Raven stopped for a sexond and took a breath, "Damn, this is a good book, it makes me all hawt."

Raven opened the book and began to read again. Slowly her right hand went down between her legs as she began to do… something to herself.

Just then the train came to a stop in front of the station for a moment. All the passengers saw the dark girl masturbating and started pointing and laughing.

Raven all but died.

As the train pulled out of the station three little kids, known to us all as Melvin, Tommy and Teether, appeared before Raven.

"Umm... you kids forget you ever saw me doing what I was doing." Raven said, still all but dying.

"It's okay Blue Lady, Bobby does that to me all the time!" Melvin said smiling.

"I do that to you too, sometimes!" Tommy yelled.

"Yea, but Bobby makes me gasm way better than you ever could." Melvin said cynically.

Raven's mouth hung open… she scooted away from the kids a little.

"**BIATCH!**" Teether screamed loudly.

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Following the four from a distance, Monsieur Mallah grinned evilly. EVILLY! **_EBUL!_**

"Oh ho ho! I am a fat monkey who sucks harder than Paris Hilton! And I'm also way better with night vision." And with that he ran off towards his victims only to trip over his own feet, roll down a grassy hill, and fall into a river where he was attacked by a River Shark.

That's right… a river shark. Do somethin!

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Raven and the Trio sat in a train car. They had had to run to catch up with the train that had left them.

Raven was still reading her smut novel, Ricardo was now having a three way with Jezebel and a Yeti. She looked over her book only to see Melvin missing.

"Ok you two, where the super-dandy-fuck did Melvar go?"

"Her name is Melvin Blue Lady!" Tommy whined.

"Whatever, I'll just intentionally get her name wrong to piss you off. So, where did Mimori go?"

"She went to go finger bang with Bobby." Tommy moped.

"Who is Bobby?

"He's Melvin's imaginary friend/manifestation of her mental superpower/child sex partner." Bobby explained sadly.

"And you're feeling left out because you don't have a child sex partner?" Raven simpathetically inquired as to the boy's sad status.

Tommy gave her a weird look, "Fuck no lady! Are you crazy? I'm fucking EIGHT! My balls dropped last week. The only reason I even know what sex is is because Melvin was born a super-freaky-slut."

Raven sat there wide-eyed, "……… Oh."

…

"**BIATCH!"** Teether proclaimed loudly.

…

Raven picked up Teether and she and Tommy went to look for Melvin.

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_Meanwhile, somewhere…_

Robin was in the background, fighting a huge robotic monster while Beast Boy sat on the sidelines and watched.

"Uh, R-Robin? You sure you don't want me to help you-"

_**"FUCK NO! IF YOU HELP ME THEN ALL THOSE LITTLE FAN FICTION WRITERING BITCHES WILL START SAYING THAT I CAN'T DEFEND MYSELF AND SHOULDN'T BE A TITAN BECAUSE I HAVE NO SUPERPOWERS! BLAAAARGH!"**_ he foamed at the mouth as he started destroying robots twice as fast and twice as brutally.

"Uh… Okay." Beast Boy said, wilting.

…

…

Beast Boy pulled out the photos of Kole's bath from last chapter.

…

_zip_

…

_thud thud thud thud_

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_With Monsieur Mallah…_

"Oh ho ho! Now that I have caught up with the train I shall stomp upon it and take the children for myself and… WHOA! Double you tee ef is that giant Teddy Bear doing to that little girl? Oh man screw this mission, it's just too freaky for me."

"MALLAH! You won't touch these children!" Raven said, suddenly hovering above him.

"Tch, don't worry Raven, I was just about to jet from this wacked out scene. Besides a girl that lets a Teddy Bear do THAT to her is no a child."

Raven turned around, "What are you talking abou- OMFGuush! How could Mazaki do that? That is nasty!"

"Tell me about it, and I think her name is Melvin."

"Whatever, I'll just intentionally get her name wrong to piss you off. And as for your second comment, Bobby is sticking his thirteen inch Teddy Bear penis into Mamimi's vagi-"

"THAT WAS A RHETORICAL STATEMENT! … Jevus woman!"

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"Uhhh, Robin, you sure you don't want some hel-"

**_"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGG!"_**

"Uh, oh yea. Right… blarg."

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"Are you sure that you monks will take care of these kids and not, y'know… molest them?" Raven asked, skeptically looking at the monks.

"Why, yes! Whatever gave you the idea that we were going to make them touch us in inappropriate places?" the head monk said, sweating.

"Dunno, see ya." Raven said before flying away.

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_Somewhere, with Starfire and Cyborg, who were supposed to be on separate missions…_

"Fr-friend Cyborg… are you sure it is OK that we are- **OH X'HAL RIGHT THERE!** _**YES!**_ AAAhhh… ahem, that we are doing this instead of searching for the Brotherhood of Ebul?"

"**UGGGH! TAKE IT! TAKE IT YOU HOT ALIEN!** Huh? Oh, yea I figure it's OK because I've read the script for the show and we end up kicking their asses."

"Oh, well, in that case, let us commence with the watching of Video Game Fights 8!"

"You said it girl!"

And the two sat there, cheering on as they watched the TV show depicting the greatest video game fights of the last year and cheering on random characters.

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"And now because I am a big freaky ape who has a French accent I will kick your pale, yet pleasantly round, butt and take the kiddies for myself! Mwuahahaha!" Mallah guffawed.

"I kicked my dad's interdimensional demonic ass a few months ago. What makes you think I can't stop a monkey with a funky car?" Raven asked coldly.

"You've got a good point."

"Ya dayamn right. HIYA!" And Raven proceeded to go Bruce Lee/Gandalf the White/Pissed off Momma on Mallah's ape ass.

* * *

_Saint H's I Need To Update This Story More Often Author's Notes:_

I have a good reason to believe that I may be going to hell for this particular chapter, but whatever. Reviews are good for your health, and my ego.

Say 'thirteen inch Teddy Bear penis' out loud without smiling/laughing.


	11. Winner Take All

_Saint H's Teen Titans is canceled and 'Manifest Destiny' is likely to be abandoned, well shit the bed tomorrow Author's Notes:_

…. I actually am inspired to do this… yay me.

**_Chapter 11: Winner Take All_**

The Master of Games sat in his bathroom, taking the browns to the superbowl.

Suddenly a light bulb went off above his head, "Dude! I should bring all the young, teen, boy heroes on earth here to fight for my amusement! Yea, that'd be great!"

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"Pikachu! I chose you!" Robin said, slapping down his pikachu card.

"Charizard, I chose you!" Cyborg said, slapping down his charizard card.

"Go, Dark Magician!" Robin said, slapping down his Dark Magician card.

"Summoning, Exodia!" Cyborg said, slapping down his Exodia card.

"George Washington!" Robin said, slapping down his George Washington card.

"Bill Clinton!" Cyborg said, slapping down his Bill Clinton card.

Robin fainted from defeat.

Starfire, Raven, and Beast Boy ogled all Cyborg's amazing cards.

Cyborg rapped to celebrate, "Vic Stone! Vic Stone! I am, Vic Stone, Vic Stone! Vic Stone! Vic Stone! I am, Vic Stone, Vic Stone!-"

"W-wait, what are you doing?" Beast Boy asked.

"Well, if Mike Jones can sell an album full of tracks with nothing but his name and a base line, why can't I?"

"Because you don't have a music video and you make love to the T-Car?" Raven guessed.

Cyborg was about to go postal on her pleasantly round ass when- _ZAP_!

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Speedy was sitting at home, innocently masturba-_ZAP!_.

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Wildebeest was grazing in a field. _ZAP!_

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Hot Spot was playing with his crayons and coloring book and drooling on himself when he was abducted. _ZAP!_

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Aqualad was getting drunk at an Atlantean kegger when, you guessed it-_ZAP!_

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George Bush was busy getting it up the ass from Osama bin Laden when… nothing else happened…

…

Down with Baby Bush.

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Gizmo was at home, downloading hentai like the nerd he is. Just as he was about to be zapped, Bam Margera- and a dumpster load of rotten salmon- crashed thru his roof. Bam was then- _ZAP!_- ed and Gizmo was crushed underneath the rotten salmon.

Gizmo went to the emergency room that night and was treated for ass smell, a collapsed lung, a fracture femur, and for having a rotten fish shove up his rectum.

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_Somewhere in reality…_

"Oh damn! Hahaha… let the fights begin! And where's Jack and Jane? And my Sublime greatest hits CD? I'm lonely."

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_Robin versus Hot Spot_

Robin whipped out his bo staff, "I want to stick my pole in your bum!"

Hot Spot gave him a weird look, "What?"

"Metal stick, thrust all the way in your rear."

"I gonna burn yo ass in those pansy green tights!" the pyrokinetic said before launching his assault.

**PHWOOOBM!**

As the sweltering wall of flame approached Robin he dash forward and jump into the inferno.

Hot Spot smirked, "Idiot."

As the flames cleared Robin stood in front of the pyrokinetic.

"Whu-Whu… But! HOW?"

Robin hummed like a Zen master, "There is no spoon…" then a malicious smile crossed his face, "but there is my bo staff up your ass! HIYA!"

"OH GOD MY ANAL TRACT!"

_'WINNER! ROBIN!'_

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_Speedy versus Aqualad_

Aqualad squirts water at Speedy.

Speedy shoots arrows at Aqualad.

Aqualad dodges the arrows and swims quickly up towards the small circle of land the archer was standing on. He leapt out of the water and smacked the red head with a powerful fist.

Speedy's vision spun from the hit, but then he regained his concentration and followed the Atlantean's shadow in the water. He took out a worm, strung it on the end of one of his arrows, and fired it near the shadow.

Aqualad took the bait.

Speedy reeled in his catch quickly but his Atlantean catch struggled. Aqualad jumped him in the air, wriggling like a fish, the hook still in his mouth.

Aqualad put up a good fight, but the archer managed to get him on the ground to subdue him.

"Go ahead… finish it!" the black-eyed Atlantean growled at the red headed archer.

"Oh… I'll finish it alright." Speedy grinned maliciously before pressing his lips onto Aqualads.

The soaked super hero fought the homoerotic assault, but then gave in and soon the two were rolling around in a big gay make-out session.

_'Winner… umm, hell, get rid of them both!"_

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_Cyborg versus Bam Margera_

"Eat blue shit!" Cyborg cried as he fired his sonic cannon at Bam.

"Wow, you suck." Bam said before skate boarding around the sonic blasts. When he reached his enemy he jumped up, grabbed his board, and threw it at the mechanical man's groin.

Cyborg keeled over in pain.

"_dude… you suck so much_"

"HAH! I AM THE KING!"

_'WINNER! BAM!'_

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_Beast Boy versus Wildebeest_

"Man, I can turn into a T-Rex, and if the cage were to break I'd just fly back into the cage as a bird or something. There is no way that you could ever beat me!" Beast Boy bragged.

"…" Wildebeest responded.

"Yea, that's right! What now, ugly!"

The changeling's opponent unzipped his Wildebeest costume to reveal…

"No, not you!" the green one gasped.

"Yes, it's me. Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris said, rippling muscles rippling and beard glowing.

Beast Boy's head exploded with amazment.

_'WINNER! CHUCK NORRIS!'_

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_Robin versus Chuck Norris versus Bam Margera_

Robin and Bam teamed up in a desperate attempt to defeat the miracle worker, Chuck Norris.

Robin threw a handful of razor sharp bird-a-rangs at Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris deflected with his mighty beard.

Bam had Ryan Dunn and the rest of his crew drop a washing machine on Chuck Norris from a height of 50 feet while he fired explosive paintballs at Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sneezed and Bam's crew was blown out of the galaxy, the washing machine with them. Chuck Norris then snapped his fingers and Bam turned into a cow, which Chuck Norris proceeded to eat.

Robin gave up all hope, "It's impossible." He whimpered.

"Do not fret, boy wonder. I am not without mercy. I shall now depart from you as I continue to fight cosmic evil from all over existence without raising a finger. I will also put a word in with God so that you and your friends will be placed back in your tower. Farewell!" and with that Chuck Norris levitated into the air and vanished in a bright flash of light.

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_Back in the Tower..._

"Dude, that was messed up!" Robin exclaimed.

"That's what your mom said last night!" Beast Boy ejaculated.

Robin held up his bo staff, "Urge... to... anally... penetrate... with... long hard stick... rising!"

"HIYA!" Raven yelled as she threw Bam's skate board into the green one's crotch.

Beast Boy keeled over, "_ouch…_"

"Yes! Ten points!" the dark girl jumped up in the air and celebrated.


	12. Epsidode 257494

_Saint H's My Phallic Organ is Gargantuan Author's Notes:_

I'm back with more, bitches. Because I know you love it. But I would like to make an announcement. If you haven't noticed we now have this feature called 'forums.' Now I'm sure you all know what a forum is… and if you don't, you have failed the internet, leave now.

In any case, I have a section where you can leave suggestions or requests for new chapters of this story. Or, even better yet, if you have any idea that you'd just like to see me do in any other story, feel free to drop it by. Now, not all suggestions will be used, but if it's good, or if I really like you, I'll see what I can do and I'll give you credit for your idea.

So, without further ado, here's your damn chapter!

_**Chapter 12: Episode 2333578782938547-3949239283745**_

Beast Boy had just been a dumbass and gotten the Titans stuck in the T dot V dot.

"Beast Boy, why must you be such a fucking dumbass and gotten us stuck in the Television?" Starfire ranted.

"Step off bitch! BB is mine!" Raven slapped Starfire across the cheek.

"Hells no! He is SO mine!" Terra said, punching Raven right in the ovaries.

"Back off you sluts! Beast Boy is my soul mate!" Jinx said, crushing Terra's head using her platform shoes.

"Uh uh! No you di'nt! Beast Boy is man! I my man ain't yo baby's Daddy!" BumbleBee bitched, coming onto the scene.

Cyborg looked at Robin with question marks materializing over his head as the femmes started to brawl over the scrawny green Titan.

Robin explained, "We're in the TV, and the 'reality TV' effect has set in, causing all females to be twenty times as bitchy, hormonal, and slutty."

"Hmmm, why aren't we being effected?" Cyborg asked.

"I imagine its only a matter of time."

"I'm just gonna see which one of the girls loves Beast Boy the _best_!" the changeling said to a camera, dressed in a pink tux with a huge clock on the end of a chain necklace.

"I see what you mean, dawg." Cy said with horror.

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"We're here, rocking at Spring Break and –oof!" Carson Daily goes flying off screen.

"Shut up you pathetic poser bitch!" Robin raged.

"Hai doowg, dat ain't kewl dooowaag!" Snoop Dogg said.

"Oh Mr. Dogg! Will you be needing any oral sex while I'm here!" Cyborg said, running onto the stage.

"Well, as a matter of fact, yes I would." The D-O Double G said.

_Zip!_

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"…and that's why the war in Iraq needs to continue."

"Hmmm, interesting Republican senator, I asked what you think about the war in Iraq and all you said was '… and that's why the war in Iraq needs to continue'. Now you, Democratic senator, what do you think about the war in Iraq."

"… and that's why the war in Iraq needs to stop."

"I see, now you, Mr. Beast Boy, what do you think about the war in Iraq."

"Baby Bush needs to stop being a buffoon, get the troops back, stop wire-tapping illegally, quit torturing people in Gitmo, work on the national deficit, and help rebuild New Orleans! Did you know they are _still_ finding bodies? This is an outrage! Down with Baby Bush, down I say!" the green one roared.

Everyone applauded.

Abraham Lincoln came back from the dead and entered the room, "Boy, you've said some mighty powerful things, and I don't know how America can thank you."

"Well, Mr. Lincoln, it's all in a days wo-"

"Will you be needing any oral sex while Monica is here?"

"…. Nani?"

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"Hey! It's the Fonz!"

Robin entered the café, "Heeeeh!"

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Raven stood on the Jeopardy set, "I'll take 'Exotic Sex Positions' for 2000 Alex."

Alex Trebeck, fawesome host of Jeopardy, stared dumbfounded, "Miss Raven, there is no 'Exotic Sex Positions' category."

Raven's eyes shifted back and forth, "Umm… y-yes there is."

"No. There isn't. And you have become so obsessed, so enthralled with sexual contact and the orgasm that your entire perception of reality has become bent so that everything has to do with that one, carnal act." Alex explained.

Raven sat rocking in the corner, hugging her knees with one arm and sucking the thumb of the other, "I think I need therapy."

Alex just gave her a weird look, "No kidding, you're one messed up bitch."

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Starfire walked timidly onto the set of an MTV music video… the music video to Nirvana's 'Rape Me'.

"Umm, excuse me, you singer with the dirty locks of yellow."

"**RAPE ME!"** Kurt screamed into the mic.

"WELL! I will certainly not force my body sexually upo-"

"**RAPE ME!"**

"For the las-"

"**RAPE ME!"**

"No I-"

"**RAPE ME!"**

"Bu-"

"**RAPE ME!"**

"Hmph!" and Starfire flew off screen.

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Raven stood infront of the screen, "Ok, don't laugh America, but I've always wanted to do this. Ahem…"

And Raven began to sing.

"Hey Tony! I like the things you do! Hey Tony! If I could I would be you! The one and only Tiger! With the one and only Taste! Knows how to take breakfast and make it..."

T-cubed himself appears on-screen next to Raven, "Grrrrreat!"

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Sitting in the lair of Dr. Evil, Robin was in an argument.

"But seriously, I'm not your kid, I'm Rob-"

"Shhh!"

"No, I really am-"

"Shhh!"

"But I-"

"Shh!"

"B-"

"Shh!"

Robin opened his mouth slightly-

"Shh! Yea, I 'shh'ed before you could speak! That was a preemptive 'shh'! Just know that I've got a whole bag of 'shhh' with your name on it."

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**WARNING: THIS COMMERCIAL IS NOT SUITABLE FOR ANYONE!**

_**Ever wanted to see totally gross and disgusting videos of your trusted defenders of truth and justice going at it?**_

_**Well we've got it with**_ _'Cyborg Gone Wylde: Snoop Dogg Style!'_

_**See Cyborg give… Snoop… oral pleasure… wh-what the fuck is this? This is sick! I can't do the voice over for this, damn!**_

The commercial continues without any voice-over.

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Cyborg sat on a random cliff in the uber-anime, s-CRY-ed, watching Kazuma and Ryuho kick each other's asses.

"Grrr! Punch!" Kazuma grunts as he punches in Ryuho's general direction.

Due to Kazuma's sheer badassness, this buffoonish attack proves effective.

"Time to level things up!" Ryuho said, pumping more alter-power into his alter, Zetsui.

"Zetsui evolve into, ZESTUI! Haha, foolish readers thought he was going to have a cool name like ZESTUIAG-"

Suddenly the screen paused, and Saint H and Saint H's Conscious walked in front of the screen.

"Whadjya do that for?" H asked poutingly.

"You need to stop stealing jokes from GYRAX." H's Conscious lectured.

"But they're soooo funny!"

H's Conscious pulls out a .45.

H goes bug-eyed, "OK, I stop stealing from GYRAX."

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The Titans were sitting back in the Main Room of the Tower, out of the TV, the adventure over.

"Wow, that sure was a trippy time, huh guys?" Robin asked the others.

A lot of 'yea's, 'uh huh's, and 'suck-on-mah-wang's were heard.

"Yes, it truly was fun, and what say you about the adventure, new friend Flavor Flav?"

Flavor Flav sat his small ugly self in a large chair, "HAHAHA! Word!"


	13. The Lost Episode

_**Chapter 13 The Unholy Lost Episode**_

**Warning: Some of this shit will be disturbing, even for me. Beware and proceed at your own risk.**

"W00tzors! I am teh Punk Rocket and now I get a half an episode to mesilf! Yeaaaz0rz!"

**_PAUSE!_**

Glen Murakami and David Slack, two of the Teen Titan writers, sat in two comfy lounging chairs watching the episode on a screen.

"David, I believe this episode shall doth suck."

"Oh Glen, twill be true, considering our bad luck."

"Then, Oh David, what shall we do?"

"We'll have fun with this, and to the censors say, fuck you!"

The two then used their ultra-psychic abilities to change the episode.

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Robin was sitting in the Main Room, tired from fighting Cinderblock and unwinding by watching a little TV.

Suddenly and for no apparent reason the door to the room was blown off it's mechanical hinges and Starfire glompakazied Robin off the couch and onto the floor.

Robin freaked out as Starfire started grinding her body on his.

"St-Star? What's going on?"

"Thru great irony and my mysterious and questionable Tamaranean heritage I am now in a biological cycle where I greatly crave male contact!" the red-head said shoving her entire face down Robin's tights.

"Whoa!"

**_PAUSE!_**

"I'm afraid this makes no sense, David."

"Glen, your comment is candid."

"Shall we try again?"

"Yes, and hopefully win."

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Raven sat in her room, crying, a large and especially mean looking dagger in her hand.

"Life as the daughter of a Demon is horrible! Plus I have lice! Good bye cruel world."

The cruel word waved goodbye.

Raven stabbed herself thru the heart and died.

Beast Boy then came thru the door and saw Raven dead, "NO! Raven, my one true love in life, has killed herself! I shall follow!" And Beast Boy took the dagger and stabbed himself in the heart; he died as well.

Terra, memories returned, ran into Raven's room, "NO! Beast Boy, my one true love in life after Slade, has killed himself! I shall follow!" Terra and the dagger went all seppuku.

Robin rushed into the room, "Terra! You gave such good pussy to me all those nights when Starfire wasn't looking! I will follow you to the afterlife in hopes of getting some more fantastic pussy!" Robin stabbed himself with the bloody dagger and died.

Starfire flew into the room, "Robin! I heard everything you malicious man-whore!" She picked up the dagger and went to stab Robin's dead body in revenge, however she slipped in the blood and fell. In the fall the dagger somehow got lodge thru Starfire's heart and she died.

Cyborg ran into Raven's room, "Oh no! All my teammates have committed mass suicide! I must follow my comrades to the end and beyond!" Cyborg took the dagger and stabbed himself-

_Clink!_

-and the dagger bounced off.

_Clink!_

_Clink! Clink! Clinkclinkclinkclinkclink- SHATTER!_

The dagger was unable to penetrate Cyborg's metal exterior and broke. Cyborg screamed up to the heavens, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

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"Now that you're my apprentice I am going to rape you!" Slade bellowed.

"NO! NOT UP THE ASS!" Robin squealed.

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Raven was in the main room, talking to a group of people who looked very much like her. "So let me get this straight, you are all either my brothers, sisters, cousins, children from the future, or related by blood transfusion?"

"Yep." Her long lost relatives answered in unison.

Starfire then came into the main room, followed by many other Tamaraneans, "Raven! Many of the posers have appeared in my room claiming to be of relation! What shall I do?"

"I've got my own problems!" Raven said, waving a hand at her supposed relatives.

Robin ran out of the elevator and closed the door as to cut off all of his 'relatives'. A few got out anyway.

"Guys, I have a major problem, SHIT THEY GOT YOU TOO!" Robin screamed.

Beast Boy casually walked in the room from the side entrance, "Did you guys know I have a plethora of younger brothers, sisters, and cousins; and I know the meaning of the word plethora?" The green teen said pointing to a veritable army of miniature versions of himself.

Cyborg then came up fro the garage, "Hey? How come I don't have even one poser pretending to be a relative with exactly the same superpowers as me?"

Raven answered blandly, "Because the rim jobs who write 'relative to a canonical character' fanfiction don't like you."

"Oh."

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"Now that you're my apprentice I am going to rape you!" Slade bellowed.

"OH YES! RIGHT UP THE ASS!" Terra squealed.

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"And, so, who are you two again?" Robin asked skeptically.

"I am Mary Sue!" A blonde haired, blue eyed, beautiful, and way too good be true girl said peppily.

"And I am Gary Stu, her twin brother separated at birth by a collaboration of some of the most powerful demons including Trigon, Satan, and President Reagan!" A brown haired, blue eyed, handsome, and way too good to be true guy said peppily.

"Yes, we both have super strength, superspeed, flight, heat vision, x-ray vision, healing vision, freezing vision, alchemic powers, time manipulation, morphing abilities, control over all the elements, sonic control, hold sway over the flows of fate and luck, can summon any mythical creature to do our bidding, and can bring the dead back to life!" Mary Sue said.

"Also, we have both been beaten, raped, taken advantage of, sold into slavery, been tortured for no reason, and generally been abused in all the worse ways. But despite this we are beautiful and have a great out look on life and even our simpliest most cliché expressions are heart warming and awe inspiring. Plus everyone loves us unconditionally." Gary Stu finished.

The Titans stared at the two, "Riiiigth…"

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"Now that you're my apprentice I am going to rape you!" Slade bellowed.

"Shut up, Slade. I'm not you're apprentice, you're my father's bitch. Get over yourself." Raven said dejectedly.

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Glen and David sat in the comfy chairs, looking dissatisfied.

"All our efforts to create this lost episode have failed!"

"We must stop reading the fanfiction that to us is mailed."

"Yes, but what should we do with writing this episode."

"Good question, the work of writing a good script is quite a load."

Glen and David looked at each other, then both said at the same time, "Dump it on Amy Wolfram."


	14. Transformation

**_Chapter 14 Transformation_**

_There once was a beautiful, strange, sluttish little alien. She had a brave and loving boyfriend who had 10 inches. A dark goth friend to make her look even better when they stood next to each other. A good half machine friend who was wise and strong… and who had 15 inches… quite impressive. And a little green friend to tell her jokes, who could have as many inches as was desired._

_Yes, her life was perfect._

_That is until one day…_

Starfire was sitting in her room, playing with herself…

"O how I do enjoy playing with myself, that is to say playing with this paddle board all by my lonesome. It is quite enjoyable."

So Starfire was alone, playing with the paddle board. That's when, for no apparent reason, a large quivering penis popped out of her forehead.

"Double you tee ef?" she poked it curiously.

She moaned.

The confused alien then grabbed a hold of it and tried to jerk it off… her forehead that is.

This cause the alien girl to yelp excitedl…er… wait, wait can I even do this? No? Yes? This even seems a little extreme to me.

….

Ah fuck it.

Suddenly every Titans was in her room.

Robin spoke up, "Hey Starfire whats going o-OOLY SHIT YOU HAVE A PENIS ON YOUR FACE!"

Raven pointed and laughed, "HAHAHA! PENIS FACE! PENIS FACE! STARFIRE HAS A PENIS FACE!"

Cyborg and Beast Boy began to chant along with Raven.

"**PENIS FACE! PENIS FACE! STARFIRE HAS A PENIS FACE! HAHAHA!"**

Starpenisfacefire started crying uncontrollably.

Robin was torn between making her feel better, chanting along with the others, or taking off his tights and sitting on Starfire's face.

That's when a yellow vespa crashed thru the walls of the tower and killed all the Titans besides Starfire.

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"So, let me get this aligned, you're name is Raharu 'Haruko' Haruhara. You're an alien who deals with N.O. fields, your doing a crossover this chapter because you owe H a favor, and you're here to help me?"

"Pretty much." The pink hair femme that was Haruko said while gracefully picking her nose. All with a Y chromosome within a mile radius instantly got wood.

"Glorious new friend Haruko! But please, why is there a **GODDAMN PENIS ON MY FACE?"**

"Oh ya, lemme get rid of that for ya." She held up her trademark Rickenbaker bass and swung for Starfire's face.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYA!"

**_BLQM!_** (the hit was so radical that the 'A' became a 'Q', Haruko's that damn good)

Starfire was sent hurtling thru space at nearly the speed of light.

Good news?

She didn't have a penis on her face anymore. Though robots galore would surely be coming out of her head soon.

Haruko mounted her vespa and shot off into space after Starfire, cackling evilly.

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_Somewhere, in semi-reality…_

Control Freak, Larry the Titan, and Cinderblock sat in a dark room watching the past events on a screen.

"I can't believe this piece of crap!" C.F. said irritably.

"LARRY!" Larry shouted.

"Ugh." Cinderblock responded.

"Exactly my point Cinderblock! Starfire obviously did NOT have a phallus on her forehead in this episode and it is tacky and immature to interpret it so. And besides, that early scene where Starfire masturbates is extremely incorrect. H obviously knows little to nothing about Tamaranean anatomy OR masturbation techniques."

"LARRY!"

"Grugh."

"But that's just it you guys! He has Haruko totally out of character! And, whats even more offensive to fanfiction as a whole is the fact that he killed all the Titans off! You can't just kill them! Does the man not care at all about continuity?"

A roaring yellow vespa crashed thru the wall and killed the viewers.

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"Who are you?" Starfire asked the BIG CREEPY SPIDERLADY!

"Wouldn't the real question be, why the fuck do you have a flesh horn growing from you face?" the BIG CREEP SPIDERLADY remarked about Starfire's newest appendage, which was a simple flesh horn, fortunately not a penis.

"You'll see what it's about here in a few seconds." Haruko said atop her floating vespa.

Starfire and B.C.S. grabbed each other and freaked out at the alien. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKIES!"

"Hey, you two make a pretty good couple, maybe someone'll ship you." Haruko suggested.

_**(Hmmmm… not a bad idea)**_

"Haruko! You know I only perform explicit sexual contact with species similar to mine-AAAHH!" Starfire yelped as the horn on her head grew large and large until two robots flew out of her head.

"Give it up, Optimus Prime!"

"Nevur Megatron!"

And the two went at it in a large show of mechanized brutality.

Starfire fainted.

B.C.S. looked on in confusion.

Haruko hummed the Transformer's theme.

The fight between the two massive behemoths came to a climax in a large mushroom cloud of nuclear flame.

Starfire's unconscious body got blown 100 yards back.

B.C.S. melted.

Haruko hummed the Transformer's theme.

Several minutes passed, and the winner came strutting out.

Haruko shook her head to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, the winner of the fight between Optimus Prime and Megatron was…

"_MR. T!"_ Haruko shrieked.

"That's right baby. I pity da foo' that doesn't understand how this happened! Now lets do things that require a black bar!"

Haruko thought about it, said OK, and the two did it right there on the alien planet.

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By way of gigantic plothole, a few months later the Titans were all lounging around the Main Room, quite alive and in tact.

That's when Mr. T came into the Main Room depressed.

"What's wrong, Mr. Mr. T?" Beast Boy said, falling to his fucking knees in proper respect.

"Well Beast Boy, Mr. T did a dumb thing and got hooked up with Haruko from that F L C L show. And just like ever other guy she's ever been with, I only got hurt and left." He said, a single tear falling down his face.

The Titans all got up silently and gave Mr. T a big warm group hug. And a family TV moment was born.

…

"I pity the foo' that don't review."


	15. Nevermore

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Teen Titans, Disturbed or their songs 'Dropping Plates' or 'Shout 2.0', I do not own My Chemical Romance and if I did I'd stomp upon them because they suck, and I do not own System of a Down. If you are offended (which is a strong possibility) just remember, finger your twat, lighten up, and get over it._

_**Chapter 15 Nevermore (I finally gave in… en-fucking-joy)**_

"Hi! I'm Doctor Light and I invented the rim job!"

Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy fell hard to the concrete and started bawling from profuse laughter.

Starfire was merely puzzled, "What is this 'rim job'? And where may I find one. It's sounds pleasant!"

Robin's head exploded, Cyborg and Beast Boy continued their onslaught of laughter.

Raven went psycho on D.L.'s ass and fucking ate him… that's right. I said it. She straight up ate that fool.

Boo ya.

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Raven was sitting down the next day, reading a book.

Beast Boy, being a dumbass, snuck up being Raven and snapped her bra strap thru the leotard.

Raven took it well.

"BEAST BOY I AM GOING TO EAT YOU AND SHIT OUT YOUR REMAINS YOU MISERABLE FUCK!"

This statement had two after-effects.

One, Beast Boy wet himself.

Two, France blew up. But that's OK, no one gives a shit about France.

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"Beast Boy, I really think you need to go apologize to Raven." Cyborg advised his young, green friend.

"Yea, your right man, I should."

_Three minutes later, in Raven's Room…_

"Dude, I didn't know Raven wore a thong!" Beast Boy said, going thru her panty drawer.

Cyborg's face fell and he looked up at the author.

"H, you've disappointed me. You've recycled a joke. Rummaging thru Raven's panty drawer was in the second chap. You have let me down."

The author really didn't care and decided to nut shot Cyborg for being a fourth wall breaking little pansy bitch.

"AUH! MY NUTS!" and Cyborg feel to the ground.

"Holy shit. Hey Cy! Check what I found." Beast Boy said coming out of Raven's panty drawer with a huge pink dildo.

Cyborg pulled himself up off the floor, "HAH!"

"Dude, who would have thought Raven spends time masturbating! Check this out." The changeling turned it on.

It began turning, shaking, and vibrating in a violent fashion and jumped out of Beast Boy's hands.

It then proceeded to bounce around on the ground before shooting up into Beast Boy's ass, where it proceeded to rape him. There was then a flash of red light and Cyborg and Beast Boy where pulled into the portal of Raven's mind.

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Raven was on the roof meditating. Robin and Starfire came up to ask her something.

"Yo, Raven. Star and I wanna know if you've seen BB or Cy?"

Suddenly Raven exploded in a huge thunderous orgasm.

"Oh, umm. Shit, I need to be alone." And Raven stalked off to her room.

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Beast Boy and Cyborg were in Raven's Mindscape.

Ironically, it wasn't that bad.

There were flying ravens with four red eyes. A large orgy going on over to the left. And Disturbed was playing a concert for the Tainted Souls of Azarath.

"…_Don't act surprised, We got the bass drum kick that will blow out your eyes! Huh! Cuz when you hear this shit, you'll get to stepping. Gonna fight the War. AND USE MY MUSIC AS A WEAPON!"_

"SHIT YEA BOI!" The Tainted Souls of Azarath, which lived in Raven's soul, screamed as they started a mosh pit.

"Dude. This place ROCKS!" Beast Boy screamed.

"You got that right, BB."

Suddenly, Happy came over to the duo.

"Hi! Welcome to Raven's Mindscape! We're having a concert at the moment! I'm Happy, the avatar of Raven's emotion by the same name. Teehee! Join in the fun!" Happy said throwing _'Raven's Mindscape: Rock Metal Extravaganza!'_ T-shirts over them.

"Whoa, I didn't know Raven liked Rock Metal!" Beast Boy gawked.

"Yea, but you didn't know she had a pink dildo in her panty drawer either, didja numb nutz?" Happy asked.

"N-no, I guess I didn't."

"That's right! Hehehe! Now lets have hawt sex!" Happy said, throwing off her clothes and jumping Beast Boy to the ground as 'Shout 2.0' played in the background.

Cyborg's eye widened as he glared down at the off-screen action, "Dayamn, that shit is wack!"

Timid came up to Cyborg, "I could use a sympathy fuck."

Cyborg gulped. Just then Brave jumped onto the scene, "Don't worry Timid, I'm kinda horny too. I know, I'll tackle him and you get his pants off!"

"OK!" Timid brightened.

"Whu-wait! AHHH!… Oooh yea baby!"

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Raven walked into her room to find her panties and thongs strewn about the floor.

"God dammit, not again."

Then she spied something long, pink, and dildo-ish.

"Oh shit son!" Raven said gravely.

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Back in Raven's Mindscape, a new band had just taken the stage.

"Hi! We're My Chemical Romance!"

The Presses Stopped.

The Orgy halted.

The Mosh Pit lost it's violence.

Happy, Timid, and Brave stopped do the horizontal slide with Cyborg and Beast Boy.

All of a sudden, a red cloaked Raven came from the woodwork of the party.

"You guys suck. Me **BAT** **_YOU!"_** and she was consumed in a red cyclone and was transformed into Rage/Trigon.

Rage/Trigon proceeded to stomp upon My Chemical Romance, obliterating them instantly, because they suck… horribly.

Rage/Trigon spoke again, **_"Bring back System of a Down!"_**

S.O.A.D came back on stage and began to play.

The Orgy started up again.

The Mosh regained it's violence.

The Fivesome resumed…

Whoa, a fivesome? That's a straight up second orgy. Killer.

Raven then entered her own Mindscape and witnessed the chaos.

…

She turned to two of her personalities, one in orange and one in black, "Hey, Stoner and Silent Raven."

"Yea?" Stoner (orange) asked. Silent said nothing.

"Got some weed?"

"Totally!"

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Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg all came out of Raven's Room just as Starfire was about to knock. Robin was too busy groping her orange tits to notice them coming out.

"AH! Friends! Where have you been?" Starfire asked.

The three gave her a silly, stoned look.

…

…

Robin continued to squeeze and play with orange titties.

…

…

(I'm seriously scrambling for a way to end this chapter, the ellipsis aren't just for effect)

…

(Got it)

…

The give fell together in the middle of the hallway and began a big, underage orgy.

* * *

_Hahahaha! I'm gonna be in so much trouble after this...  
_


	16. Sisters

**_Chapter 16: Sisters_**

"Hey, Kai, check this out!" one of the alien crab dudes said to the other.

"What is it Cron?"

"I totally found the Paris Hilton Sex Tape on the internet! Wanna watch it?"

"Do I!"

…

…

…

"Someone needs to teach that bitch how to use night vision."

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Raven was standing in front of the carnival game with the giant chickens.

By herself…

"Wait, aren't Cyborg and Beast Boy supposed to be here double teaming me in the butt- erm… I mean, winning me a giant chicken? Or something?"

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Five minutes before what Raven just said…

"Hey Beast Boy, try some of this weed!"

"OK!"

…

The two sat there for five minutes smoking weed. Just after Raven said what she did, a man in a suit walked up.

"Because you two have been smoking marijuana (and are therefore Satanists, btw) you have missed the chance to double team Raven in the butt."

This bad news sobered both their asses up.

"WHAT?" cried Cy.

"Oh man! I should just shoot myself now!" Beast Boy wailed.

"Yes you should," The man in the suit chuckled.

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Robin and Starfire where stuck on the top of a Ferris wheel.

"Dude, these fireworks are teh roxxors!" Robin screamed.

"Yes… tell me Robin, is my body also 'teh roxxors'?" Starfire said while rubbing herself, totally making it obvious she wanted Robin on her.

… Robin continued on oblivious, "I mean, the fireworks are like… fire! AT WORK! AWESOME!"

"The sight of your muscles thru tight green spandex makes my special parts go to work!" Starfire said, sliding her skirt down provocatively in a mind-blowing tease.

"Seriously Starfire, fireworks give me wood."

"Oh X'hal dammit! Why are all the hot ones retarded!" Starfire cursed and pouted.

Then some robots or something came and, I dunno, did some shit.

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"Hi guys, I'm Blackfire and I am totally the coolest ever!" Blackfire waved to the Titans.

"Hmm, I dunno, convince us." Beast Boy said, the other three nodded with agreement.

"OK!" she said and proceeded to convince them.

She gave Beast Boy a lollipop.

She rapped freestyle with Cyborg.

She 'sparred' with Robin. 'Sparred' his brains out.

She fingered Raven in the cunt.

_**(Can I even say that?)**_

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The Titans were at the partai!

"Oh yea! We're at the partai!" Beast Boy screamed.

Unfortunately for the small green teen, he was soon trampled and moshed to death by a swarming crowd of ravers.

"Oh well, who needs the green kid! Everyone watch me strip!" Blackfire said as she started taking off clothes.

Robin and Cyborg, along with many of the crowd started cheering her on and totally taking pictures on their cell phones so they could masturbate to it later.

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"So, hey, hot alien babe, whats up?" A black guy flirted with Starfire.

"Yea, you digging the scene?" his scrawny white wingman asked.

Starfire answered, "I did not know we were supposed to bring a shovel."

The boys looked at her like she was from another planet… ummm… oh hell just go with it.

Starfire then smiled big, "AHAHAHA! I gotcha bitches! I was just foolin' ya! HAHA! Drink, be merry! It's a celebration bitches!"

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Starfire was sitting on the roof of the party, being emo. And Robin, having finally realized all the advance that she had been making on him, came up to the roof to try and comfort her and thusly get some action.

"Hey, Star, what's wrong?"

"Blackfire is taking all my electro-magnetic charge!"

"… You mean, 'stealing your thunder'?"

"Mmmhmm!"

"Well, why do you think that is?"

"Because shes a bitch with an extremely sexy body!"

"… do _you_ think she's sexy, Star?"

Starfire's eyes darted back and forth, her secret had been found out, "Uh- Of course not…"

Robin chuckled and laid a hand on her shoulder, "Starfire, it's OK to be lesbian every now and then. Especially when you're a hot chick and so is the other chick you want to be lesbian with. ESPECIALLY when you're both crazai exotic alien sisters."

Starfire sniffed, her face brightening, "Y-you mean it?"

"Absolutely."

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Cron and Kai (those alien crab dudes) had watched everything from their spaceship.

"Dude, I was gonna send them robots after those Tamaraneans, but this could get hot so I'm just gonna leave it alone."

"Yemen."

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Back at the Tower after the party nearly everyone was passed out across the Tower, and Blackfire was up getting a mid-night snack.

Then a voice came from behind her, "Sister?"

She turned around, "Oh! Kori! What are you doing up still?"

…

The red-head fidgeted.

"Well, what the problem is?" Blackfire slanged.

"I am having odd feelings towards you lately Sister and… after gaining council from Robin, I believe I can sum up the emotions in a simple Earth phrase."

"And that is?"

"… I-Incest is best. Put your sister to the test…"

…

…

"I'm leaving." Blackfire said, officially creeped out.

_Saint H's Author's Notes:_

_Sup? It's H here, I'm trying to cut back on A/N but this one is important. Cy and BB have something to say._

_Cyborg: There was marijuana use in this chapter._

_Beast Boy: And as role-models to all you kiddies out there, we want you to know to not use pot! Unless it's the weekend!_

_Cyborg: Peace out kids! And remember…_

_**Pussy. My Anti-drug.**_


	17. Mad Mod

**_Chapter 17 Mad Mod_**

"Dude, Doubleyoo tee eff?" Robin said after waking up in Mad Mod's World.

"Dude! How'd we get here?" Beast Boy asked as he and the others woke up.

"Wait!" Cyborg gasped, "The last thing I remember is all of us smoking hash together! So maybe this is all one big high-illusion!"

"Ooooooohh!" The other Titan's sighed in agreement.

"I'm sorry, but you're not high… my duckies." Mad Mod said.

"OMFGuush! It's a Canadian! Hide!" Raven screamed in fear as she began to hop her chair across the room away from him.

"Oi! I'm not Canadian! I'm British! Crumpets!"

"Don't listen to him! He'll cast a spell on you with his Canadian language! It's like Latin backwards!" Raven said still hopping across the room, eyes wide.

"Ugh…" Mad Mod sighed, "SCHOOL! BLARG!"

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Robin, Starfire, and Beast Boy where off doing what the show showed them doing, however, with Cyborg…

"Dude? Where am I?" Cy asked.

Mad Mod's voice came over the PA system "You're in my crumpet Computer Lab, duckie. But watch out, tea time, because the computers have some nasty snogging viruses! Bwuahahahahahapetrolhahahahaha!"

Cyborg looked slowly down at the computer in front of him.

"Wait a second, I know how all these viruses got on the computers! You been looking up porn!"

"_N-No I haven't! Quit lying!"_

"Yea you have dude," Cyborg remarked looking at his screen, "In fact, you left this computer to… 'Lesbian Butt Sex'? What the hell?"

"Whu-What? That never happened! I do not have an obsession with bondage, beastiality, and vandersex!"

Cyborg had called up the computer's history and was now going thru a list of sites Mad Mod had visited recently, "… Backdoor Sluts, Rimjobs R Us, Inside-out Girls? What the Hell Mod? That's disgusting!"

"Stop it! St-stop it!" Mad Mod sobbed over the PA, "Cr-Cru-huh-mmmpits!" 

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"Whachoo got? Huh? Whatchoo got ho?" a black teen trashed as he tried to dribble around Raven.

"Nuh-huh biatch! You can't get passed this D! Don't be bringing yo shit up in mah house!" Raven said, covering him flawlessly.

The opponent drove to the basket and jumped to dunk.

Raven followed, jumped up, and blocked that shit like nobodies business.

"DAYAMN GIRL! You got some ups!"

"Oh yea! What skills? You don't know bout mah skills! Nana-Na!" Raven said as she did a dance to celebrate.

"Not bad, my duckie." Mod said over the

Raven, who the moment before had been ballin' and trashin' like no other, fell to the floor screaming, "AAAAAH! CANADIAN! MOMMY!"

"For bloody fish and chips sake! I'm not Canadian, I'm BRITISH!" 

"I will not listen to your Canadian devilry! Be gone!" Raven cried as she rocked back and forth in the corner.

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"And now my green, shape-shifting little tea time toad in the hole crumpet bumkin, BE HYPNOTIZED!"

Beast Boy, struggling in the chair, was presented with a large hypnoscreen in front of him, which he promptly was entranced by.

"Yes, yes! Behold! I am God! I have the pow-" 

The hypnotized Beast Boy then proceeded to shit his pants in the middle of Mod's speech.

"… Oh."

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"Please, friends! I do not know how to make the mysteriously smelly Beast Boy snap out of his trance!" Starfire pleaded.

The other three looked at her funny.

"Yea you do Star." Robin said flatly.

Starfire rolled her eyes and sighed, "Ugh… fine."

She unzipped his pants and went to work.

"OOOH! OoooOOH! AAAH! _Aaaah!_ **_SPLOOGE!_** Wow! That was great Star, thanks! … why is there shit in my undies?"

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In the large chase scene with the funky 70s music in the background, Mad Mod and the Titans had just entered the many-halled doorway gag scene from Scooby-Doo.

_Inside one of the rooms…_

"Dude, what's going on?"

"I don't know Beast Boy, I can't see in all this fog! Cyborg, do you see anything?"

A cough came from across the smog filled room, "I see something, and her name his Mary Jane… Hahahaha!"

"Cyborg!" Robin scoffed, "I am surprised at you! Smoking marijuana! You are a role model for the youth of America!"

"So?" Cy said, taking a hit.

"Yemen, so?" Beast Boy asked Robin.

"Well, uh… as a role-model. You, … You need to teach children the value of sharing. Hand over somma the shit."

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_Inside a different closet…_

"Ugh! Dammit Starfire! The door won't open and it's obvious Mad Mod isn't in here! We're wasting time." Raven whined as she failed to open the door.

"Stand back bitch, thishits all me." Starfire said as she summoned up her alien strength and tugged on the door for a half-a-second. "Ugh! It is too much, you are indefinitely correct, Raven. We are stuck here whilst the others fight against the Mad Mod."

…

A moment of silence.

…

"So, wanna compare breast sizes?" Raven offered.

"Do I?" Starfire said excitedly as the two started to take of their clothes.

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_Inside yet another closet…_

"Whats up, I'm Lexi the Writer." Lexi said, facing the audience.(That's you!)

"And I'm Mr. T." Mr. T said, causing all ladies in the audience to thunderously orgasm.

"We're here to tell you that although the teen hunnies in this fic are total sluts, it should be noted that if any girl with give you a blowjob while you have shit in your pants… you should stay far away from her." Lexi explained.

"Reason being because that means she's seen worse than a pee pee covered in poo poo. And that means her vag has all kinds of clamidia. And you don't want that." Mr. T grunted.

"And neither do we, or the author." Lexi concluded, "Peace out and enjoy the rest of the chapter."

"I pity the foo who don't wear protection!"

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_Inside the final room of this chapter…_

"Oh…. Mad Mod… You are so amazing. Seriously, you're fucking killing me. Oh, oh… right there. God this is boring!" the blonde sighed, uninterested.

"Oi! Paris Hilton! You're better than me crumpets and tea! Especially since I took off me rubber."

Mr. T then busted into the room, "Now what did I JUST tell you!"


	18. Fear Itself

_**Chapter 18 Fear Itself**_

The Titans walked into a video store.

They got some candy, rented (quite excitedly and BB and Cy's part) Wicked Scary 2, paid for their things and left without a hitch.

…

Meanwhile when all of this was going on Control Freak was over in the adult section getting off to something pathetic like hentai.

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Later that night, as the Titans were finishing with the movie…

On screen a lady, alone and frightened, walks down to the basement for some God-awful reason.

A large shadow is cast over her and she turns with a blood-curdling scream, "NOOO! NOT YOU!"

"Yes! Me!" the lights clicked on to reveal the monster of the movie as, "Clay Aiken! I have been undead since the middle ages only to be kept alive by the devouring of souls! So… GET IN MAH BELLEH!"

"AAAH!" The woman screamed as Clay Aiken ate her.

**THE END** rolled across the screen.

The Titans sat in silence.

"I believe I just shat panties." Starfire peeped in fear.

"But Starfire, you're not wearing any panties…" Robin(who had his hand up Star's skirt the whole movie) said.

Everyone looked at the two.

…

"Ewww!" Robin whined.

"El Oh El!" Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Raven all El Oh El-ed.

Then… the phone rang.

_RIIIING-BIATCH!_

"I got it." Raven said picking up the receiver.

A scraggly muffled voice came from over the receiver, _"evn….ys…"_

"What?" Raven asked vexed.

"_Se'en… ays!"_

"Who's gay?"

"_Ca'n you ear m' now?"_

"A little better, try again."

"_Hom' ish wh'eya you make it."_

"You like to see homos naked?"

"_Can you hear me now?"_

"Fa shizzle."

"_Good… Seven Days!"_

Raven and the rest of the Titans gasped, as Raven had left the speaker phone on, "You mean, we're all going to die in seven days because we watched that movie!"

_"Uhh… what the hell are you talking about? I'm the Fed Ups guy calling to tell you the package for a Mr. Cyborg will be seven days late."_

"…" Raven responded.

"…" the voice retorted.

"And once the package gets here THEN we're going to die?" Raven freaked.

"_Yea, sure. Whatever gets you off lady." –click-_

"AAH! Guys!" Raven turned on them, "WE'VE ONLY GOT SEVEN DAYS TO LIVE!"

"Yea, we know, we heard." Cyborg said calmly.

"Bzuh?" Raven asked.

"Speakerphone." Beast Boy explained.

"Oh… well. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?"

"The same think we do every night Pinky, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Robin roared.

…

"Erm… I mean… HAVE GRATUITOUS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTACT!"

"Weeee!" The rest of the Titans screamed with joy as they threw off their clothes… thankfully the scene changes before you see anything!

Haha! That's right… omnipotence, biatch!

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Once Raven regained consciousness after being knocked out by a monster douche from Star, she noticed something was different.

All of the other Titans had been cut up into little pieces and strewn about the room.

On top of the coffee table all four heads of her dead friends sat, horrified looks frozen on their faces for all eternity. Over on the window, in her friends' blood, was the written 'Redrum'.

"Redrum? What the hell? Huh, Oh well." Raven said calmly as she got up to go take a shower, jumping over a leg her or an arm there. She soon stood in front of the blood plastered elevator, but a part of it that was still clear and not covered in blood caught her eye, and it reflected the words on the window… only now in the reflection is said…

"Murder! OMFGuush! I'm gonna die! AAAHHH! – Wait a sexond. It hasn't even been seven days yet. What a motherbitchin' jip!" Raven ranted. She then opened the elevator and went to the Master Bathroom where she took a shower(with the vibrating showerhead) to get all the bodily fluids off her.

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Raven was walking down the hallway from the Master Bathroom to her room with nothing but a towel rapped around her slender torso.

Suddenly and for no apparent reason, a large shadow is cast over her and she turns with a blood-curdling scream, "NOOO! NOT YOU!"

"Yes! Me!" the lights clicked on to reveal the murderer, "Clay Aiken!"

"NOOO!" Raven screamed before.

_BLAM!_

Clay Aiken's body was blown into bloody chunks and sent flying across the hallway.

Raven looked up with delight, "Mr. T?"

"That's right baby. And you know what Mr. T says, I pity da foo' who"- _BLAM!_

Mr. T's head was blown off by another shotgun blast and Raven looked over to see…

"Satan? You're the real murderer?"

"Who else would it be? For who is eviler than I? Mwuahahaha!"-_BLAM!_

"Maybe me."c

"AAAAAH! DICK CHEYNE! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!" Raven cried.

"Yes, you should have. Just like America should have known that I was the vocal point for evil in the world before they elected me to vice president. But they didn't and now the world is mine!"-_BLAM!_

Raven sighed, "Ugh, who is it this time."

"It's me." Mos Def said suavely.

Raven's eyes lit up, "AAAH! Mos Def! I love your music and your acting! I absolutely LOOOVE you in the new movie '16 Blocks'! You are sooo much better than Bruce Willis. And I bet your hotdog is a footlong, am I right?"

The Free Flaco was quickly becoming the freaked Flaco, "Uh, thanks Raven. It's always nice to meet a fan. And for the record, yes, my hotdog is a footlong," Mos Def said, holding up a footlong hotdog from 'Hoobies' , "Well, now that I saved your white ass, and that is a nice ass, I'm off to make the world a better place for everyone. Peace."

And with that Mos Def flew off into the sunrise, like the hero he is.

Raven stared after him with sparkling eyes.

…

With thoughts of just seeing Mos Def imprinted cleary in her mind, Raven spirinted like crazy back to the Master Bathroom and it's vibrating showerhead.


	19. Only Human

**_Chapter 19: Only Human_**

The Titans were in the gym, working out…

… so they could get **_Ripped Abs!_**

_**Ripped Like JESUS!**_

Anyway, while the others were doing wussy stuff like hitting a wooden post, flying, running on a tredmill, or moving stuff with their minds(weaklings), my man Cyborg was lifting weights that equaled the size of a skucking fyscraper!

"I can't do anymore guys!" Cyborg said, really in pain.

"Yes you can Cyborg! One more man, just one more!" Robin shouted like a dumbass douche

"Take it off, fucka!"

"ONE MORE MAN! JUST ONE MORE! YOU'LL NEVER BE RIPPED LIKE JESUS UNLESS YOU DO ONE MORE!"

"FUCKIN KRACKA I'M LIFTING A FEW TONS WHILE YOU'VE JUST BEEN HITTING A WOODEN POST THIS WHOLE TIME!"

"Yea man! But I'm ripped like Jesus because I always do ONE MORE MAN, JUST ONE MORE!"

The weights then fell on Cyborg and killed him.

Thankfully, Cyborg found a Golden Banjo before this episode started, so he came back to life right away.

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In the hallway, outside the gym, Robin confronted Cyborg.

"Cyborg!" Robin shouted.

"Yo, man. Don't give me yo shit 'bout how I should try harde-"

"Cyborg!" Robin pleaded, "That's not it. I'm sorry for pushing you. I just want you to know… I'm sorry man!" Robin said, choking up.

"Hey… its cool man." Cyborg said, freaked that Robin was getting choked up.

"NO! It's not OK! KISS ME!" Robin said, jumping across the hallway and sticking his tongue inside Cyborg's mouth.

Cyborg proceeded to sucker punch Robin across the hallway harder than Mr. T himself could, causing several of Robin's major organs to liquefy.

"Double you tea eef is wrong with you son?" Cyborg said before storming off.

Robin lay strewn about on the floor, coughing up blood from his liquefied innards, "Uuggh… sorry! Rip-ped abs. Ripped like Jesus! Oh, death!" And Robin died, and unfortunately he had no Golden Banjos so he stayed dead.

For the remainder of this chapter anyway, or at least until I need him again.

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Cyborg sat, playing some online game where you kill other people by doing something for some reason or another…

… totally.

"Oh, what? You don't know 'bout mah skillz! You call yo-self 'Atlas' but you ain't nothing punk! Man you suck, why you even playin? Boo-yah! I win, byzatchex!"

All of a sudden, his opponent IMed him

'**NO ONE DEFEATS ATLAS. I DEMAND WE CYBER. I MEAN, I DEMAND A REMATCH.'**

Cyborg's response was:

'**LOLWTFSTD! SHUR THANG, N00BLAR!'**

Suddenly and for no apparent reason, the real Atlas busted into the Tower, stomped upon Cyborg, and kidnapped Starfire, Raven, and Beast Boy as trophies.

He also had to stop to take a boom boom. He used Robin's dead body as toilet paper.

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In Atlas's underground lair thing, he walked over to his trophies.

"You are now my bitches, and I am horny!"

"Dude, robots don't get horny." Beast Boy interrupted.

"Do you want be to butt rape you? Because I can think of at least one person who would get a big kick out of that." Atlas warned the shape shifter.

"Uh… naw man. Go ahead with whatever you were saying."

"Thank you. Now! As I was saying, I am horny! So I will now rape both of you! Muwahahaha!" Atlas laughed manically as he pointed to Starfire and Raven.

They just looked at each other and shrugged.

"Sure, whatever." Raven responded, getting naked.

"If you believe you are man enough to handle my jelly." Starfire said, doing the same.

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Cyborg was walking to the stadium, where he would find Atlas and save his friends. But he had already been stomped upon once this chapter, and he was having second thoughts.

So he did what any other normal, self respecting person would do…

… he had a conversation with his reflection.

Duh!

"I can't do it Reflection! He's ripped like Jesus! And I'm not!"

'_Hey foo, don't be so down. I just got done talking with BB's reflection, and right now Raven and Starfire are working that bucket a bolts. Ripped like Jesus or not, you should be able to take him to town when his pants are down!'_

"Thanks Reflection! Wow, this has been a deep and enlightening conversation."

'_Word.'_

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After shooting Atlas in the head with a revolver, finishing what he started on his two lady teammates, and freeing Beast Boy, Cyborg and the others were sitting on the couch in the Main Room, chillin'.

"So, it looks like we've learned a very important lesson this time, huh guys?" Beast Boy said.

"We most surely did, Beast Boy. We learned that robots can indeed have massive phallic erections!" Starfire said happily.

Cyborg and Beast Boy gave her frightened looks.

"She's not kidding, that guy was hung like a horse." Raven mumbled, "Plus, he had ripped abs. That's always hot."

Beast Boy jumped at the chance, "Ripped like JE-"

**BANG!**

"Man, I got tired of hearing that this chapter." Cyborg said, putting down the revolver.

"But, Cy. You said it yourself." Raven explained.

"…" Cyborg retorted.

**BANG!**

…

"Why'd you shoot Starfire?"

**BANG!**


	20. Stranded

_**Chapter 20: Stranded**_

"DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!" 

"Cyborg, shut the blessed fuck up!" Robin yelled from the cockpit of the T-Ship as they traveled towards the space station.

"So, why are we coming up here in the first place? Wouldn't it make more sense if the Justice League did it, I mean they're station is right over there." Raven pointed out the window towards the Watchtower.

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_Inside the Watchtower... _

Martian Manhunter stuck his head into the Question's room, "Hey Q, did you get that complaint about the T.V. space station for Jump C- OH! Um… heh, sorry. Hi, Huntress."

"Hi Jon!"

"Sorry, Jon, but I'm busy. Maybe late-"

"No, No. It's OK. I'll find someone else. You two have fun.

_JUSTICELEAGUEJUSTICELEAGUEJUSTICELEAGUE_

Martian Manhunter stuck his head in the Green Arrow's room, "Hey, Olly, could you- Oh, Hi Black Canary."

_Sluuurrrrrp!_, "Hey, Jon."

_JUSTICELEAGUEJUSTICELEAGUEJUSTICELEAGUE_

Martian Manhunter stuck his head in Wonder Woman's room, "Hey, Diana, could you-"

"OH BRUCE! OH YEA! RIGHT THERE!"

"I am the Night."

"OH BABY! YOU'RE THE NIGHT! AND THE NIGHT'S ALL UP IN MY A-"

"Omfguush!" Martian Manhunter blanched, "That is disgusting!" he ran out of the room.

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_Back on the T-Ship _

"I don't know, Raven. But it's OK because we don't need those pathetic Super Fools! HAHAHA!" Robin said in pure egotistical/cliché villain fashion.

"Ugh." Raven sighed, a headache forming.

"DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!" Cy screamed into his headpiece.

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"Wow, this place is trashed!" Robin stated.

"Totally." Beast Boy said, scratching his butt.

That's when the big scary alien attacked, **_"BLARGIMTHEBIGSCARYALIENMUTHAFUCKABLARG!"_**

They tried to fight the big scary alien, but they got bitch slapped.

So they did the next best thing, ran like cowards.

"DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!"

"Cyborg, will you shut the fuck up!" Robin screamed.

"Robin!" Starfire said, "If we die, know that I would have loved to spend my last minutes inside your pants!"

"GIVE ME SPACE!" Robin freaked out like a little pansy boy afraid of 'cooties' when he could be getting 'pootie'.

…

hehehe

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_Down on the Planet, after the crash..._

Beast Boy called out the names of the Titans, "STARFIRE? RAVEN? CYBORG? SILKIE? DICK?"

He hung his head sadly when no one answered.

That's when he heard it.

"DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!"

"C-CY?"

"DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!"

"Cyborg!" Beast Boy said happily as he pushed away a bush to reveal the disassembled Titan. "I am SO fucking glad to see you! Wait, I'm gonna have to help you put yourself back together, right?"

"DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!"

"Uhh, right. I'll just go collect parts of you."

"DANGER WILL ROBINS-"

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_Meanwhile, in the Watchtower..._

Martian Manhunter looked in Superman's room, "Clark? You are not copulating anally with a woman in there like the last three rooms I checked in are you?" He asked, hand over his eyes just to be sure.

"Um, No." Superman's voice said, a slightly questioning tone in his voice.

"Good," Martian Manhunter said as he took his hand down, "Because we have a prob- … oh, Hi… Green Lantern."

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Raven stood facing the little creatures that had been following her around for the past half hour.

… they looked strangely similar to pikmen…

… hmm, go figure. Wonder game the Teen Titans creative team has been playing.

"So," Raven started, "Are you guys going to care for me hand, foot, and clitoris or what?"

"CLIIITORIIISSS!" the little pikmen squealed.

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Robin, in his search for Starfire, had come upon a large, nasty ass bug that was kicking his ass all across the face of the alien planet.

"NO!" Robin yelped like a little pansy girl at his attacker, "Please, don't eat me! I'm sure I taste bad!"

Just then for some reason, an arrow came and blew the alien up.

As it turns out, the arrow was fired by Starfire.

…

Yes, that's right, a makeshift arrow made an alien explode, and furthermore that arrow was fired from a bow (earth weapons) that were made by Starfire (alien who (A) Has starbolts and (B) shouldn't know how to make a bow and arrow)….

All of this was running thru Robin's head when he responded with, "El Oh El, Doulbe you tee ef!"

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"Ok Cy," Beast Boy said, screwing the final nut onto Cyborg's now repaired form, "That should be it."

Cyborg, or rather what was once Cyborg, stood. He looked like a Picasso painting brought to life, "BB," came his muffled voice, "does this REALLY look right to you? I mean, my ass is in my face, for God's sake.

Beast Boy looked at him flatly, "Well that sounds like a personal problem to me."

"YOU LITTLE GRASS STAIN!"

"Wouldn't it be better to help me find the T-Ship instead of yelling at me for no reason? C'mon now, Cy, pull your head out of your ass."

"BUT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT PUT IT THERE!" Cyborg raged.

"Yea, that's what your Mom said last night."

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Robin and Starfire were in a cave.

"Robin, we are being chased by the mean scary muthafuckin' alien from the beginning of the episode and I ph34r we may not be able to stop it." Starfire said, wilting.

"I know, Star, I know." Robin nodded grimly.

"So…. Wanna do the horizontal slide?"

"Do I!"

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_Meanwhile, with Raven and the little pikmen._

"OOOH! OOH! YOUR TINY LITTLE PIKMEN HANDS ROCK MY VULVA! OOO! A LITTLE TO THE LEFT! **MR. T, MR. MIAGI, MR. ROGERS! SPLOOGE!**"

"Mr. Rooooogers! Splooooooge!" The little pikmen said as they continued their work.

"Cliiiiiitoriiisssss!"

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_In the Watchtower..._

Superman stuck his head in Martian Manhunters room, "Hey, Jon, what did you want- DAD!"


	21. Things Change

_**Chapter 21: Things Change… for the worst.**_

"Dude! It's the end of the television series!" Beast Boy screamed.

"But, are we not one of the highest rated shows on the Cartoon Network… and also on the whole of television?" Starfire asked curiously.

"Yemen. It's bogus." Robin agreed.

"I can't believe how dumb this is." Cyborg grunted.

"Hi guys!" Terra chirped.

"_SEX!_" Beast Boy jumped on her.

"Well, at least they won't replace us with a show about some… gay ninja puppets or something." Raven started, "… R-right?"

…

…

…

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"Dawg, this is so gay. We've been gone and they get rid of all our favorite shit!" Cyborg gestured towards their favorite mall which had been demolished and was being rebuilt as something different.

Suddenly and for no apparent reason a big white monster came out of a brick wall and attacked the Titans… yea.

"Titans, fuck it! I mean… Go!" Robin yelled.

They fought and… did some stuff.

Shit, I'm tired.

Eventually after some collateral damage or another, Beast Boy looks up to see…

"Terra! OMFGuush!

"…

"… _SEX!_" and Beast Boy jumped on her.

"Ackies!" Terra screamed, "Help! I need an adult! _I need an adult!_ Oooooh, that feels good Mr. Strange-Green Man… erm, I mean, HELP!"

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"We're caught up in a pointless and annoying side plot because the writers don't really need us in this episode!" Cyborg said cheerfully as he and the other three Titans that weren't Beast Boy chased down The Thing.

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"Hey, look," Beast Boy spoke to himself… just like fucking Shakespeare, "It's Terra in a school girl outfit. Despite finding this very kinky I am also going to go talk to her in my odd stalkerish ways."

A few moments later… 

"Who the hell are you?" Black bitch asked.

"And what makes you think you can talk to (OMG! Real Name Censored)?" Freaky Red-Headed bitch asked.

"Um… I'm Beast Boy. Y'know, the green superhero that lives in the huge-ass 'T'? Helps save all your lives on a daily basis?" the green superhero said sheepishly.

"NUUU! We will not be nice/respectful to you or let you talk to our friend." They both ranted.

"Why not?"

"Because you raped her on the sidewalk earlier in the chapter."

"Psh! It's not rape if you're willing, Terra loved it!"

"He's got a point girls… I did love it."

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"Slade," Wintergreen said, walking up to him on his Scary Concrete Throne of Misery and Peril ™, "Terra is alive and Beast Boy is trying to recruit her back to the Titans. Also, she has amnesia."

Slade responded in a very calm, calculating manner, "There is no such thing as amnesia… just girls I bone so hard their brains get messed up."

Wintergreen stared in silence, "… Riiight."

As he was leaving the butler gave a small cough that sounded a lot like 'crazy!'

…

…

"Heeeerreee Pussy! Sladey wants to play with his little pussy wussy!"

Slade's little white kitten bounded out of the massive network of gears and leapt adorably up onto his lap, mewing and purring.

"Oh! There's my fluffy pussy!"

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"Yo, Terra catch!"

"Ackies! Beast Boy! Why'd you throw mud at me? And why is this mud white and sticky?"

"Hehehe… that's not mud Terra…"

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"This is getting fucking redundant." A lithe teenage boy with a crown of brown hair said in front of his computer screen… yawning.

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"We're caught up in a pointless and annoying side plot because the writers don't really need us in this episode!" Robin said cheerfully as he and the other three Titans that weren't Beast Boy chased down The Thing.

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"Terra! Why don't you want it from behind anymore?" Beast Boy wallowed in his melodrama.

"Stop calling me Terra! My name is (OMG! Real Name Censored)!"

"BUT- Whoa… look it! That shattered glass is totally reflecting us as going away from each other!" Beast Boy said, pointing to said glass.

"For reals?" Terra turned and bent down to see.

_THWACK!_

"…Hehehehehe!" Beast Boy giggled as he drug Terra's unconscious body to a closet.

Halfway into taking off her clothes Terra woke up, screamed… and proceeded to rape Beast Boy.

He loved every minute of it.

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"Yo Momma." Raven said cheerfully as she and the other three Titans that weren't Beast Boy chased down The Thing.

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"Terra! I don't care if you don't remember! You don't have to! Just come hang with us at the Tower from time to time! Just don't be a stranger! Give me your e-mail or something!"

"No, Beastie Boy! I have a Geometery Test and I haven't studied, so I have to give the teacher a (OMG! Explicit Act Censored!) so I'll pass. Peace out!"

Beast Boy's communicator rang, _"Beast Boy, we're getting our asses handed to us, come help us dammit!"_

"_Beast Boy to Robin; I'm on my way. Over."_

…

…

…

…

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"Man, that was a good episode... but why the Hell was it the series finale? Dumb!"


	22. Betrothed

**_Chapter 22: Betrothed_**

Raven, Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy where all walking down the hallways with each other for not apparent reason.

Just, chillin'.

That's when they saw Starfire packing her stuff.

"Yo, Star. What the problem is?" Cyborg asked simply.

"I have received the royal 'booty call' from Tamaran.

"WHAT!" Robin roared.

"You're just jealous that Starfire's getting some and you're not." Raven droned.

"Well, ya!" Robin started, "I want some hot young Tamaranean stud riding my as-"

Robin stopped, having realized what he just said.

…

The other Titan's took a large step away from him.

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"This is the suck!" Beast Boy emoed.

"BB, why are you slitting your wrists?" Cyborg asked.

"Because I had a secret, mad obsession of LoVe for Starfire and I can't handle the stress of her leaving so I need to listen to whiny little boys sing about how bad they're lives in a veritable suburbian paradise is and cut myself!"

"Really? Cuz that's sooo ironic. I also had a deep obsession for Starfire… but as opposed to going emo like you, I just gave her a quick goodbye… a very hard, loud, sweaty, orgasmic goodbye in her bedroom."

"I HATE MYSELF!" Beast Boy cried.

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"This is the suck!" Robin emoed.

"Robin, why are you slitting your wrists?" Raven asked.

"Because I was too much of a little tight-wearing pansy to get her in bed and now she's leaving!" Robin said, listening to whiny little boys sing about how bad it was when there daddy sent them to time out.

….Can't stand emosuburbians… ugh.

"Really? Cuz that's sooo ironic! I was just giving Starfire a quick sticky lesbian goodbye and she said that she purposefully avoided doing the do with you because you're small."

Robin, in response, went all seppuku.

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The Titans were all in the T-Sub… er, T-Ship. Yea, that's it.

Plot devices… they're great.

In anycase, the Titans were on they're way to Tamaran and Starfire was busy explaining how she had become betrothed.

"… and so since that bastard gave my daddy some good ends, he said I'd marry his son. Of course then I killed they're whole family, drive by shooting baby. Boo-ya!"

"Hey!" Cyborg yelled from his cockpit… (HAH! COCKPIT! I GET IT!), "That's my line! AND BEAST BOY DAMMIT STOP CUTTING!"

"Stop trying to make me feel better Cyborg! I'm venting the pain in my soul which has been blacked by not making the cheerleading squad!" Beast Boy sobbed, emo-ish-ly.

"I don't give a shit about your life, B. I just don't want you getting blood on the leather interior.

That's when the Titans noticed the ebul alien grasshopper-ships attacking them.

"_Launch Every Zig!"_ the aliens screamed.

"Titans! We're under attack! Separate!"

The T-Ship broke up into little space ships… like babies.

"_All Your Base… byzatchex!"_ the aliens screamed.

"Someone set up us the bomb!" Beast Boy squealed as he took a hit.

Just when things looked most grim, Robin became the badass he canonically is and launched a counter attack that singled handedly killed the entire attacking aliens, "FOR GREAT JUSTICE!"

**BOOOOMUTHA!**

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"That's your Dad?" Robin screamed.

"No, he's my nanny/manslave" Starfire said as she and Galfore totally started doing the do on the landing platforms.

"Silly lilums." Kaworu said smiling.

"Hey! You're supposed to be in the Neon Genesis Evangelion section! Git!" Cyborg said, punt kicking the offending Angel back to the right section.

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"Word up bitches?" Blackfire said, performing made up hand signs to make her self look ghetto-fab.

"Wow, her awesome hand signs are so ghetto-fab I may stop cutting, but probably not." Beast Boy said.

"I can't believe you got blood on my leather interior." Cyborg pouted.

"Yo, you got leather interior? WITH blood on it?" Blackfire asked.

"Yea…" Cyborg answered warily.

"We are sooo doing the do later." Blackfire said, never stopping with her awesome ghetto-fab hand signs.

One Tamaranean peasant leaned over to another and whispered, "What's wrong with that kracka? Don't she know she's white?"

"You're white too, numbnuts." The other whispered back.

"Sister? What is the meaning of this?" Starfire demanded.

"I'm teh ruler of Tamaran! MS 13 Baby! Salvadorian Army Ants!" Blackfire said, hand signs a-go-go.

…. I hate MS 13…

"Well… that's queerish." Starfire said.

"Here's your groom!" Blackfire said, revealing a hot piece of Tamaranean man-meat.

Starfire ogled.

"Damn," Cyborg said, "I'm straight as they come, and I'd still like to get into his pants."

"Oh, no wait, he's mine." Blackfire said, grabbing the boy and stuffing him up her skirt, "Here's yours!" she said, showing off Grdlalkaoghoanboaifoaifophgaogalgjojoigohgoghehaln;ahdjfdlskfogihoghhofghajfdlkjaohohi1337;ajfaghah.

"Well, he's not as cute, but at least he has tentacles." Starfire reasoned.

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"I hate you!" Blackfire screamed.

"I hate you!" Starfire screamed.

"I hate you more!" Blackfire bitchslapped her sister.

"I am the hating of you the mostest!" Starfire bitchslapped her sister back.

"Nu Uh!" Blackfire bitchslapped.

"Uh Huh!" Starfire bitchslapped.

"Nu Uh!" Blackfire bitchslapped.

"Uh Huh!" Starfire bitchslapped.

"Nu Uh!" Blackfire bitchslapped.

"Uh Huh!" Starfire bitchslapped.

"This is great." Robin said as the two sisters started to mud wrestle.

"You're telling me." Cyborg said, appreciating the sight to.

"My Life Is Worthless!" Beast Boy cried, cutting himself because his parents didn't buy him the X-box game he wanted… proving they hate him and are abusive in Beast Boy's Suburbian mind.

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"OH Grdlh;lakhoajhogjhnblndal;foeiyrqegnbaklbaociudgiojodgnghfqophodhfgaopgnaknaqoidjzopidjcvlkdnalernwtpoqeituaodhfnlnelhoarreadSuperboybecauseitsmynewstoryandyoullloveitordiebitcheslaj;dklgj;ahjvbdhbafjweoihjqioptuqeporij;qrkntl;kfghjasohgapodfjlnthqoeirupodiuga;lhel;rhqopifuogaldslfhoaiodj! RIGHT THERE! RIGHT THERE! YES!"

"Blurgly glaghaoj atuyfsne Atreyurocks aljboiuasoiru." Translation: Oh Raven, this is most pleasureable, Atreyu rocks!

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"As my last and second command as Royal Bitch of Tamaran before I hand over rulership to Galfore," Starfire was speaking to her loyal subjects, "I command a large festive orgy to be held in celebration!"

"_ALL HAIL!"_ the Tamaraneans quickly obeyed the order.

"Dude, Tamaran rocks!" Beast Boy said, finally stopping his cutting.

He looked over and Robin and Starfire where going at it, Galfore had belly flopped off the balcony into the orgy below, and Raven and Grdlkajaboaheoiuwepoid were still going at it.

"Hey, I wonder where Cyborg is?"

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"Wow! It really is leather!"

"Told ya baby. Now, the safe word is 'Orangutan'.


	23. Calling All Titans

_**Chapter 23: Calling All Titans**_

"Seriously guys," Beast Boy said over the communicator, "When I get home I am sooooo heating up a tofu burger and having explicit sexual contact with it!"

"Heh… nope." Robin grinned, "Titans separate! Boo jah!"

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"Hello, Argent- ummm… what are you doing?" Starfire asked as the girl had her hand up her skirt.

"'Aving some fun, love." Argent held up her free hand and produce a large, red phallus, "Care to join?"

Starfire looked on for a moment.

…

"Surely!"

"M'name ain't Shirley."

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Beast Boy stopped climbing the mountain in goat form to whine, "Augh! I'm a whiny little bitch so I'm going to sit here and moan about how lazy I am because I don't want to climb up this mountain. Nevermind how retarded I am for not realizing I could turn into a bird and simply fly up the mountain."

And with that Beast Boy turned into a goat and began climbing the mountain again.

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Pantha yawned as some meaty wrestlers tried in vain to take her down.

"Dayamn, that chick is built." Cyborg said, watching in amazment.

Pantha got annoyed and ate the two wrestlers.

…

"DAYAMN!"

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"Argent, my orifice is too big for the phallic object you created for me, could you make one larger?"

"Surely."

"My name is not Shirley."

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Beast Boy stopped climbing the mountain in goat form to piss and moan because he's a vegan vag, "Augh! I'm a whiny little bitch so I'm going to sit here and moan about how lazy I am because I don't want to climb up this mountain. Man, I'm such a loser! And no one is going to read this paragraph in its entirety because they'll think it's exactly the same and in not reading the whole thing they'll be even more douche-baggish thatn me. Nevermind how retarded I am for not realizing I could turn into a bird and simply fly up the mountain."

And with that Beast Boy turned into a goat and began climbing the mountain again.

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Bushido kills some smoke ninja's strangely reminiscent of the ones from that lame Jackie Chan Cartoon from back in the day.

"Wow," Robin said to Bushido, appearing out the shadows, "That was impressive. What a coincidence that you and I are both martial artists, huh? Wow, we've got so much in common." Robin fawned like a schoolgirl.

Bushido's brow rose in confusion.

"So, what say we, go catch a Jet Li movie or something?" the Boy Wonder said, brushing up against the samurai.

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"OH HERALD! RIGHT THERE! OMFGuuussh!"

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General Old-McFag came up with his robots to attack Argent and Starfire, but stopped in his tracks when he saw what they were doing to themselves with Argent's phalluses.

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'_So, why the hell would I want to be a Titan anyway?'_ Jericho hand signed his question.

"Why, dude? Why? Because being a Titan is total TITS man!

'_It's tits?'_

"Yea, y'know dude, cool. Anyway, as for why you should be a Titan, let me tell you a little story about a big screen TV and a next-gen video game console…"

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"Why, Mr. Old-McFag, we are simply brushing our teeth with these cucumber style toothbrushes that Argent made for us out of her powers." Starfire explained.

"Wow… that's totally tits! Can I join?" General Old-McFag asked.

"Oi, Put anotha shrimp on tha barby!" Argent said, with her accent as they all brushed they're teeth with massive, phallic objects quivering with hot, red energy.

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"So this dude would be like, 'Want to play with my Wii?' And she'd be like, "NO!" Which is **obviously** girl talk for 'Hell yes I want to play with your Wii!" …. Slut. So then he shows the girl his Wii. Which is funny because _you_ were thinking it was his **wing wang**.(pervert) But it's actually the new Nintendo console." Beast Boy finished.

Jericho looked at him questioningly.

"Just kidding, it **was** his wing wang!"

Jericho laughed mutely and hand signed, _'Dude, that's totally tits!'_

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"Wow," the Brain said, "It'd be great if I wasn't gay."

"Oui." Said the ebul munkai man.

"Oh well," the Brain said, all Steven Hawking style, "Excute Order 66"

Subsequently, all the Titans besides a random five got royally owned.

The Brain, naturally, rapped to celebrate, "Yo, Yo, Yo,

"It's time for the show,

"Cuz I'm the Brain,

"Remember my Name,

"Cuz I rule the Game,

"Of chess that is.

"I'm gay with a monkey,

"A monkey who's chunky,

"And we get awful funky,

"In bed that is."

Cyborg(unfrozen somehow) comes in from off screen, "DAYAMN!"

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"Dude," Beast Boy said to Jericho, Mas, Herald, and Pantha, "The Titans just got butt-raped, and we're the only ones left."

The other Titans let it sink in with the thick silence.

…

"This is TITS!"


	24. X

_**Chapter 24: X**_

"_This is Robin's Self Narration… Beware My Self Narrating POWAH!"_

"Beware my hardcore-ness, sucka." Red X said, totally owning all the Titans and subsequently having a heated make-out session with Starfire.

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"So, I was thinking." Red X said to the guard of the Zinothium vault, "Since 1) I'm a general badass and 2) I can fucking teleport, you guys should just give me the stuff… we can forego the plot and just have fun with this chapter. What do you say?"

"Hmmmm," the guard thought, "I dunno, lemme go talk to my manager."

Red X squinted, "Let me think about that, um-no. Juto-Chop!" Red X killt the guard dead.

He then teleported into the vault and stole the Zinothium.

…

Hehehe.

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Raven was sitting in her room on a dark night, reading a book by candle light.

Because she's bookish like that.

Suddenly the curtain blew as her window was opened from the outside.

She looked up with a gasp, "Gasp!" **_(told you)_** "Red X! What are you doing in my room so late at night?"

Red X squinted at her, "Yea right, don't act all surprised bitch. You were expecting me, I mean just look at what you're wearing." The thief pointed at Raven's bed wear… a see-thru teddy with _'I Heart Red X!'_ printed over the chest.

The mystic blushed, "Whu- Where'd I get this? I don't know where this came from." She lied.

Red X smirked… but you really couldn't tell since he's wearing a mask, "Yea, right. It's almost impossible for you not to love me. What with the fact that we've barely met, you can't feel emotion, and I'm about as far away from your personality as possible. We both wear black, and you obviously have some sort of deep seeded emotion for Robin that you can finally express thru me. Or some worthless shit like that."

"Oh, Red X!" Raven swooned.

Enter the sex scene… that I'm not going to show you.

Perverts.

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Since Red X already had the Zinothium and he was so damn cool it was obvious they weren't going to catch him, Robin and Cyborg were sitting down, having a conversation.

"Ok dude, hypothetical." Robin started, "If I was going to fuck you in the ass, which way would you want it? Fast and hard or Slow and Smooth?"

Cyborg accepted the hypothetical question with an amused look of concentration, "Well, if I was Kori or gay, of which I'm neither. Or if I actually had an ass to begin with…. I would probably want a mixture of the two."

"A mixture?" Robin asked incredulously.

"Yea, like Hard and Smooth. Ya feel me?" Cyborg gestured.

"N- wait. What?"

"Hard but smooth, man."

"No, dude. Your mixing 'em up." Robin complained.

…

"Yea dude, it's called a mixture." Cyborg explained.

"No! You can't mix 'em up!"

…

"Why not?" Cyborg asked.

"Well it's like saying, 'Whoa, this sand paper is coarse but it's also so slick.' Alright!"

"Dawg, it's nothing like that."

"Yes, Cy, it's exactly like that! You can't choose opposites!" Robin raved.

"OK, man! OK!"

…

"What about mixing up the other two?"

"What?" Robin sighed.

"Y'know, like… Fast but smooth?" Cyborg offered.

"J- Listen, you're making it harder than it needs to be!"

"OK man! Geez! Y'know what? I don't have any fucking clue! Why the hell are you asking me this?"

"Whats the problem, Cyborg? Not secure enough in your masculinity to answer a simple hypothetical?"

"Whu-What are you even talking about man?"

"Fag!" Robin cried.

"What!" Cyborg asked wide-eyed.

"FAGGOT!"

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Starfire was sitting in her bedroom on a dark night, having kinky bondage love with Silkie.

Because she's sluttish like that.

Red X teleported into her room.

"Hey baby! I'm Robin but more dangerous and badass and exciting! Let's Fuck!"

Starfire looked at him from underneath her bed sheets, "Oh hells affirmative!"

She jumped on him and they did naughty things on the floor where we can't see.

Silkie climbed up from underneath the bed sheets, "Goddammit!" he ranted, "I was just about to get off too."

Up from the floor, their voices came, "So, Star, which way do you want it, Hard and Fast or Slow and Smooth?"

"Hmmmm… Fast but Smooth."

"Allright!"

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While all of this exciting business was going on, Dr. Wang… Chang… Chin…

Umm…

Yea, whatever.

Dr. WangChangChin was up in his laboratory, doing something truly despicable.

He sat in front of the glowing computer screen late at night.

"Oooooh yea… this hentai is good."

Truly, truly sick.

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Robin was lying in bed on a cold, lonely night, sleeping with his Batman plushie hugged close to his frame.

Red X appeared out of nowhere and began to spoon him.

The Boy Wonder awoke with a start, "X, are-are you… spooning me?"

"Hells affirmative." Red X growled, "Now lets fuck with our hot, horny man dicks."

Robin jumped out of bed, "EW! Hell no, fag!"

Robin ran out of his room as fast as lightning.

Red X stared after him for a moment of silence.

A pair of snickers from the shadows of the room.

"I told you I'd do it." Red X said as Cyborg appeared out of the shadows.

"Oh yea, man. That was great. Here ya go." Cyborg handed X a wad of money.


	25. Deep Six

**_Chapter 25: Deep Six_**

_Outside the 4th(3rd?) wall…_

Aqualad looked up at the Title of the episode, "Deep Six? That's slightly homoerotic."

"You like it, don'tcha fagmaster?" Beast Boy joked.

Aqualad rolled his black eyes, "I'm not gay just because the title of my first appearance is 'Deep Six'!"

"Tch, I gave your mom a Deep Six last night! HAH!" Beast Boy rolled on the floors, giggling crazily to his own lame jokes.

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Triton attacked an oil ship.

A gay seaman stopped doing things to the cabin boy and shouted, "OMFGuuSH! We're gonna die!"

"Pwnzor!" Triton yelled as he smotened the oil tanker.

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The Titans sat in the T-sub, looking for Triton.

Robin looked dumbfounded, "Dude, when the hell did we get a submarine?"

Cyborg spoke blandly from the back, "Don't question the plotholes man. Start askin' shit like 'when did we get a submarine' and then you start asking questions like 'why does Starfire wear a skirt when she flies?' and 'how do I go to the bathroom?'"

Raven's brow rose and she spoke into the microphone, "Cyborg, how do you go to the bathroom?"

"See! Told you Robin! You're spreading the diesis!" Cyborg shouted.

Robin's eyemask narrowed, "But Cy, you're the one who brought up the subject-"

"DIESIS SPREADING BASTARD! I WARNED YOU!" Cyborg pushed a button and Robin's cockpit was filled with crazy purple knockout gas. He fell asleep instantly.

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_Somewhere, in semi-reality…_

"So, what you need to do is put a little less sex humor in the next chapter, you kinda went a little overboard." OveractiveMind explained to the thin, browned-hair teen.

"That's an awful idea." The teen said to himself, "What I need to do is put a little less sex humor in the next chapter!"

"That's a great idea!" Tri said.

"I know dude, it just came to me."

Jericho of Gilead ran about in the background screaming, "Fellatio! Fellatio!"

The teen squinted at Gilead, "Shouldn't you be working on _Requiem of Fate_?"

Gilead squinted at the teen, "Shouldn't you get back to the damn chapter?"

"Oooh, burn!" Lexi screamed.

"Dance my puppets, dance." Raider said to himself, watching the event.

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"Yea, so, this is my crib." Aqualad said, motioning to the underground cove.

"Yea, what do you call it, the 'Queer Cave'? Snkkt!" Beast Boy snickered.

Aqualad's brow rose, "That joke sucked."

The hearts disappeared out of Starfire's and Raven's eyes and in the heart's place were torches of fire.

"BEAST BOY!" Starfire raged, "THAT WAS MOST ASSURADLY NOT FUNNY!"

"BEAST BOY IF YOU DISS AQUALAD AGAIN THE WRATH OF MY CLITORIS WILL KILL YOU!" Raven backed her up.

Beast Boy was too dumb to stop though, "But if he isn't gay why is he ignoring the advances of Star and Raven?"

"That's a good question," Cyborg said, carrying the still unconscious Robin over his side, "What are you ignoring them?"

"Mostly because I make love to fish."

"Oh." Said the four conscious Titans.

…

Their gazes fell on Tramm.

Aqualad smirked, "PSYCHE!"

Starfire and Raven burst into fits of exaggerated giggles.

Aqualad shrugged and said, "I've already got a girlfriend."

"Garth honey, come back to bed!" Tula said, most of her body a motion blur as she jumped onto his back.

"Not now, bitch. I've got work to do." Aqualad mumbled.

Starfire and Raven growled and hissed at the Atlantean girl as she walked back to the bedroom in a huff.

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In Triton's cave Triton found out he was in love with himself… so in short I've got a question for you.

Is what happened an orgy? Or just masturbation?

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Somewhere, in the middle of the ocean.

"I'm better than you!" Beast Boy raved.

"No, I'm better than you!" Aqualad replied.

"I'm better!'

"No, I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

Beast Boy and Aqualad stared bullets at each other.

…

_THWOMP!_

They crashed together in a heated gay make-out session.

"Don't ever let me go baby!" Beast Boy whimpered.

"Never!" Aqualad said as the two continued their liplock.

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"Wow," Cyborg said coyly, admiring Tramm's handiwork on the T-Shit… Ship… Sub.

Whateva.

"You sure know how to use your tools, huh?" Cyborg asked, a blush creeping onto his face.

"F-fag." Robin, just now regaining consciouness, muttered, he was quickly rendered unconscious again by Cyborg's metal foot in his face.

"Yetscreeechagayagafwaga!" Tramm responded.

"Oh," Cyborg let out with a sigh, "You're taken."

"Yeaaaa!" Tramm nodded, he then pulled out his monkey wrench and nuzzled it lovingly.

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It was after the end of the episode, and Aqualad was taking a shower.

"Ah…" he sighed, the water flowing off his body.

…

Rivulets.

…

Suddenly, two shadows cast themselves onto his shower curtain. They began growing eerily as their owners approached.

…

Aqualad turned his head and saw them.

He screamed.

"_AAAAAAHHH!"_

_GLOMP!_

"Hello friend Aqualad!"

"St-Starfire?"

"Don't forget about me."

"Raven? What are you two doing in my bathroom?"

"Raping you."

….

"_AAAAAHHH! HELP ME GOD! HELP ME! HELP ME TOM CRUISE!"_

"Starfire, quick!" Raven said, "Fellatio!"

"Yes!"

"_USE YOUR WITCHCRAFT TO GET THEM OFF ME! AAAH- _Oooo_oooh yeaaaa…"_


	26. Switched

**_Chapter 26: Switched_**

"HOLY FUCK I'M A TALKING PUPPET!" The Puppet King screamed as the show started.

…

…

He then started playing with little puppet Titans… cuz he's a freaky fanboy like that.

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Cyborg was standing in the bathroom, singing to himself in the mirror,

"My name is Cyborg,

"And y'all wanna try for,

"A piece of me,

"Cuz I tickle ya fancy,

"With my sexy ways,

"Men and Women, little boys and little girls,

"Lets all make some noise, and make love throughout the world,

"WITHOUT PROTECTION! Kick it!

"BIZAMF! X-MEN NIGHTCRAWLER REPRESENT!" Cyborg finished to his reflection.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_ "C'mon Cy! Stop rapping and let me in there, I've gotta take a boom boom!"

"Dammit Beast Boy, you can hold it!"

Suddenly Robin's image popped up on their communicators, _"Yo bitches. We've got mail."_

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The Titans, now assembled in the Main Room, all stared at the wooden crate before them.

…

"Huh?" Starfire asked.

"We need someone to open it, but we need to choose carefully because it could be a bomb… I nominate Cyborg."

"Second."

"Third."

"The Fourth!"

Cyborg stared at his teammates, "You racist pieces of shit!"

"Just do it fagmaster." Beast Boy said.

Grumbling Cyborg tore off the lid to the crate and peered down into it's contents.

"THIS IS THE MOST BALLIN' SHIT _EVA_!"

Cyborg held up wooden puppets, a replica of each of them.

"PIMP!"

"HOLY PIMPHOWZER BATMAN!"

"Pimp."

"The Fishmonger!"

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It was nighttime and the Puppet King was stalking about the Tower, activating his little puppet shithowzers.

"How the blue fuck do I even walk?" Puppet King wondered.

Silkie then turned the corner, on his way to the kitchen for a mid-night snack. He then saw the Puppet King and, like a good watchworm, attacked with his _Maad Bullet Thyme Skillz!_

The Puppet King countered by throwing a dash of salt on Silkie, causing him to dry up and writhe with pain. Puppet King walked on, "Damn wormy bitch, not even in the Tower yet during this episode. Stupid author putting him in there anyway."

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Somewhere, somebodies were having explicit sexual contact.

Bitches.

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"Sanctified feces!" Starfire screamed in Raven's body, "I believe I have webs of cob in my nether regions."

"Oh wow," Raven mumbled in Starfire's body, running hands over parts of it, "This is nice… I could get used to this."

…

"Star… I didn't know you shaved down there."

"Well, what am I able to enunciate? Robin appreciated it greatly."

"… Totally didn't need to know that."

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The Puppet King sat on his wooden ass… bored.

"OK, do it again!" he roared.

Soon Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy pranced out in front of the Puppet King in tutus before turning to each other and swiftly kicking each other repeatedly in the nuts.

"Dude." The Puppet Beast Boy cried.

"So…" The Puppet Robin started.

"… Weak." The Puppet Cyborg finished.

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"So, I was born in a place called Azarath after my Mom tripped on Trigon's dick. Once there I was raised in the royal company of the magical pacifists of Azarath where their God-Leader Azar trained me to control my powers and emotions… then I came to Earth. You?"

"I was born into our planets royal family, unfortunately we are constantly at war with other planets and from a very young age I witnessed persons close to me suffer many violent horrors and rapes. It did not take much time at all before I was in the midst of all this even as a child, however my race was victories in many of the wars and after coming back from one adventure in which I was kidnapped and with the help of some otherworlders we escaped the clutches of the vile Citadel, however when I returned I found out that my parents traded me in slavery for peace. On the way to Gordiania I was beaten and taken advantage of, but I escaped and flew to Earth. You know the rest."

Raven, in Starfire's body, gaped wide eyed at the girl inside her body.

Starfire, in Raven's body, simply smiled and shrugged, "What?"

Raven passed out from shock.

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The duo of Raven and Starfire walked right into The Puppet King's lair.

"Get them!" the wooden little bitch shouted as the three mind controlled Titans made to attack the girls.

"Alright," Raven, in Star's body, started, "Plan A?"

"Plan A!" Star, in Rae's body, agreed.

The Titanesses lifted up their shirts and flashed their three teammates, who were then sent into orgasm induced comas.

Then they grabbed the Puppet Kind and ripped his little wooden body to pieces before setting them on fire and fixing his little magical shit.

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"Starfire!" Raven, now back in her body, yelled at the Tamaranean girl's door.

The door slid open quickly and the sweet alien smiled at mystic bitch, "Yes, Raven?"

"I said I thought it was interesting you shaved down there… I didn't tell you to DO IT TO ME!"


	27. Revolutions

_**Chapter 27: Revolution**_

"Well crumpets alive… I'm back."

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"Whoa, dude! The Fourth of July rocks my face three feet to the left!" Beast Boy gets down with his bad self on the coach, celebrating freedom, independence, and the right to legally download music and other things(porn) off the internet illegally.

"Boo ya!" Cyborg shouts in agreement…. Then after a moment his head falls and he mumbles to himself, "Every time I say that… a little piece of my soul dies."

Robin, hearing this comment, laughs, "Hahaha… I'm sure it does Cy." He says with a big grin, "I'm sure it does."

Cyborg starts to cry.

Robin laughs some more.

"I am not sure when yet this is appropriate in your society… but I believe this is the correct time to perform such a rite." Starfire says, before throwing off her top and screaming her head off.

Raven walks up to her and grabs her shoulder, shaking her head, "No, Starfire. You can't just take off your shirt at anytime. You've got to wait for the right moment."

"But Raven… how will I know when."

"Oh," Raven smirks, "You'll know."

Then Mad Mod came on the TV and talked about biscuits and the BBC…. Or some shit.

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The Teen Titans busted up in Mad Mod's train.

"Own!" Robin shouted, jumping forward, "Titans GO!

"HAHAHA! Extremely-illogical-and-cheap-plot-device GO!" Mod shouted, stealing Robin's youth.

In response to this event, Cyborg chilled in the corner, listening to Kenny Chesney.

Raven cowered in the corner, mumbling, "Damn Canadian and his freaky ass age switching machine!"

Starfire saw Old Man Robin.

…

She threw off her shirt and screamed happily.

Stopping her cowering for a moment, Raven said, "No, not the right time."

"Oh." Starfire looked down, disappointed.

Only Beast Boy sought to save their leader.

"BIG O! IT'S SHOWTIME!" the changeling screamed before running up and kicking Mod in the crotch.

"OH! CRUMPETS!" Mod said, holding his groin.

"HBK! Respect!" The changeling screamed.

Then Mod detached the train cars or some plot convenient shit like that.

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"Oi! It's brilliantly planned out like a Bob's your Uncle! Toad in the hole with a bit of tea and crumpets my plan is, she is! Oh yes, by the Queens roddy soiled undergarments I will beat those snot nosed sproggin, crumpet eating, tea pissin, mop toped kids from Liverpool, them blasted Teen Titans…. Snog!" Mad Mod ranted to himself in his new British palace.

While he was ranting, Old Man Robin snuck behind Mod towards the jeweled cane, which the British fuck had left leaning against the wall, with the help of his amazing new R-Walker!

Damn… that's pimp.

He grabbed it, and fumbled about it with his fingers. Now, what he wanted to do was press the button to change him back to normal, and then break that fucking staff so the city would go back to normal, but there was one problem.

He was a dried up old pansy bitch who can't see, hear, talk, pays for a sub sandwhich with change(grrr), and takes coupons to buy a 50 cent can of beans.

And there were so many buttons, British Revolution, Steal Youth... ugh, so many!

He pushed one he thought said 'Fix all the bad shit that has happened' when in reality it said 'Industrial Revolution'.

Damn his old man eyesight.

With a flash of light the city was turned into a factory filled workhouse. Steel, coal and rivets everywhere.

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"Wha the 'ell just 'appen?" Beast Boy asked.

Raven rubbed herself to Beast Boy's British accent.

Cyborg spoke up, "I dunno, but this is the Industrial Revolution. If Mod's cane can cause the new British Revolution, it could probably cause any other kind of revolution in history!"

…

"I believe we are knee cap deep in… the shit, correct?" Starfire asked, worried.

"Damn straight." Cyborg said… sullen.

Starfire threw her top of and screamed happily. She then looked at Raven.

The dark girl shook her head.

With a sigh the Princess put her shirt back on.

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"Oi! What'reya doin' ta me cane you crazy old whipper snapping snoggerlations Bob's your uncle tea time Led Zepplin, Shagidelic!"

Mod reached over to grab the cane out of Old Man Robin's grip, but he wouldn't let go with his Old Man Fingers with Super Kung Fu Grip Action!

In the struggle, random thumbs, fingers, and other assorted digits found their ways onto various buttons…

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Just as Starfire was about to eat a steel worker, a light flash throughout the City and everything changed to wig afros, bell bottoms, platform shoes and rhine stones.

It was… the Disco Revolution.

Someone turned on the tunes…

_Disco Duck!_

"OW!" Beast Boy, dressed like John Travolta, slid out in the street, ready to Disco.

"Ew… disco totally turns me off." Raven said in her Aretha Franklin get up.

"Word." Cyborg said... huge black afro atop his head.

"The Ness of Funk!" Starfire said as she and Beast Boy danced to Disco Duck along with several of the brainwashed citizens.

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"OI! LET THE BLOODY CANE GO FOR CRUMETS SAKE!"

"Eeeeh… whats that sonny? I think I just shat myself!"

"OI!"

"Good thing I'm wearing Depends."

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There was another bright flash of light and everything changed once again.

Everything was gloomy and a citizen had their head in a guillotine.

It came down.

_SWWWIIIIS-CLURTCH!_

The bloody head went bouncing and hopped up into the mortified Beast Boy's hands.

The crowd cheered.

"Is this the Revolution of Severe Grossities?" Starfire asked.

Cyborg smirked, "No, but close… it's the French Revolution."

Raven looked on, and smiled, "Decapitation… totally turns me back on."

Beast Boy stared, wide eyed and horrified at the bleeding head in his arms as the lifeless face stared up at him and a face of immortal horror.

"Do not want… DO NOT WANT!" he cried.

"Dammit Beast Boy, stop being a pussy!" Cyborg said as the guillotine when down again.

_SWIII-CLURTCH!_

The head bounced over to Cyborg this time. He caught it. "Sweet!"

He dribbled the decapitated head down the cobblestone streets to a randomly placed basketball hoop before dunking it, "TWO POINTS!"

Starfire smiled and shook her head at the dancing Titan, "Oh, Cyborg."

Beast Boy dropped the head as he fell down and started to spasm.

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"CRUMMMMPETTS!"

"COUPOOOON!"

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Another flash ran thru the city as everything changed.

A disco ball hung over the city, but it wasn't the disco revolution.

There were heart shaped beds everywhere and a lot of lit candles.

Starfire looked down at the lingerie on her person, "What manner of Revolution is this?"

Raven, in her own lingerie, grabbed her from behind, "The Sexual Revolution." The dark girl pounced the alien onto a nearby bed.

Cyborg watched the two, "Man, this would be so awesome if I still had genitals."

Beast Boy rocked back and forth, still horrified. To make matters worse some old fat guy came up and molestered him.

"Hey Star."

"Yes Raven?"

_"Now_ would be a good time to take your shirt off."

"OK!"

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Mad Mod threw up a knee and kicked Old Man Robin to the ground… where he broke his hip.

"And stay down, you sod. It's tea time for my snoggin' crumpets. Not Candian!"

He then pushed a button and the City turned back to the British Revolution.

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After the events had run their coarse, Robin and the rest of the Titans stood about, happy it was all over with.

….

"So." Starfire asked, "Is there anyway to return to the 'Sexual Revolution?'"

Robin sighed, "No, I broke the staff…"

"Oh." She, Raven, and Cyborg sighed.

"But there is good news!" Robin beamed.

"If you say you lost money on your car insurance I will rape you." Cyborg said blandly.

"Nope!" Robin smiled, "I still have the R-Walker! Kickass isn't it?"

The others looked at it, bored.

Starfire shrugged, "Well, if H is this story's author… I'll probably have sex with it at some point or another."

"You and me both, sister." Raven mumbled.


	28. Divide and Conquer

_**Chapter 28: Divide and Conquer**_

"There he is, GET HIM!" One of the faceless security guys yelled to the other two.

"Grugh." Cinderblock retorted.

The three security guys stopped, laughing their asses off, "HOLY FUCK!! THAT WAS SO WITTY! THIS GUYS A GENIUS!"

Then Cinderblock whipped out his concrete cock and flattened them into a bloody pulp.

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"You wanna try teh Sonic Boom?!"

"I got the sonic if you got the boom!"

"Oh, I've got the boom. And I'll give it to ya!"

"Oh yeah, where are you gonna give me your boom?!"

"Right in your sonic, baby. Hard!"

"Oh yeah, that's just how I like it!"

"Fags." Cinderblock grunted before jumping out the wall, making his escape with Plasmus.

"Quick! We've gotta go after him!" Beast Boy said, leading Starfire and Raven out of the hole in the wall.

"UH!" Robin pouted with a flippant shake of his hair, "Geeze, Cyborg! If it hadn't been for you we would've stopped him!"

"Me? I'm not the one who started the sexual banter!!" Cyborg responded, flames escaping his nostrils.

"Oh yeah, right." Robin said, crossing his arms and turning around, "You loved it, don't act like you didn't."

"Oh Puh-LEASE, girlfriend!" Cyborg raged, "I've had better sexual banter with my left hand!"

"That's not what you said in the T-Shit last Thursday!!"

Cyborg's eyes got wide, "How DARE YOU! Sexual Harassment! I call Sexual Harassment!"

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"Wake him."

Cinder block smashed the container.

The man started awake, "Snrrk. Ah, mmm, dicks in my mouth… whu-what?! I'm awake! I should never be awake, I'm only human when I'm sleeping!!"

"Actually," Slade purred, "You're never human, seeing as how you're a homosexual."

Cinderblock grunted, "Fag."

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"Yo Momma so fat, that when you were born she tried to eat you!" Robin spat.

"Oh yeah? Well yo daddy so gay he sucks cock!" Cyborg responded.

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Raven, Beast Boy, and Starfire had just had their first encounter with Plasmus. They were currently trying to hold shut the door to keep Plasmus inside.

The door opened just enough for a few tentacles to slip outside.

Raven and Starfire's eyes got wide. Beast Boy just smirked, "Allright! H-fic with Star, Raven and the tentacles, and I get a front row se-AAH!!"

The door burst open entirely as the tentacles wrapped around Beast Boy, throwing him roughly to the floor and ripping off his uniform.

Starfire and Raven stood on either side of the door, watching as Plasmus's tentacles oozed out of the door towards Beast Boy, totally ignoring them.

"This is quite unprecedented, Raven." Starfire smirked.

"Tell me about it." Raven spoke around her own grin.

"OH MY GOD!!!!!" Beast Boy's blood curdling screams filled the air, **"NOT IN MY BUTT!! NO!!! RAVEN!!! STARFIRE!!!! HEEEELLLP MEEEE!!!!!!!"**

"You know, Raven, I now see why others find this so humorous, it is quite entertaining when you are not the one receiving."

"Yup." Said Raven as she focused the video camera.

"_**WHY ARE YOU TWO JUST STANDING THERE!!! RAVEN, ARE YOU TAPPING THIS?!?! I HATE YOU TW- OH GOD MY DICK HOLE!!!!!"**_

"Just relax, Beast Boy!" Raven called, zooming in, "It makes it easier!"

"_**FUCK YOU GUYS!!! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GONNA-**_ mph!!!"

"About time Plasmus shut him up."

"Agreed."

…

"Wow! I'm surprised he can fit so many in there!"

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"Oh yeah?! Well, you have a small penis!" Cyborg yelled.

"AT LEAST I HAVE A PENIS!!" Robin roared, "AND BESIDES, I PLEASE STARFIRE BY USING THE SPIKES IN MY HAIR!!"

"OH YEAH?! WELL, well… that actually sounds kinda nice…"

"Yeah, she likes it a lot…"

"…"

"…"

……..

……

……………..

"Oh, wow, you're right! That does feel good!"

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"Your plans have been foiled again, Master Slade." Wintergreen said, laying down a cup of tea.

"I'm acutely aware of this, Winterfresh." Slade said, smacking the cup of tea into Wintergreen's crotch. The older man fell to the ground, clutching at his groin and screaming, "But I will have my revenge on the Titans. And until then," Slade looked down into his lap, "I always have my, entertainment."

Slade poke his finger down into the white fur in his crotch. Rubbing the finger around, Slade began playing with his pussy.

"_Meow!"_


End file.
